The Christmas Message: December 21 2005

Tena ia tangate, Harahoa Kirihmete.


Hi all, Merry Christmas.



Welcome to "the week that was" an enthralling,

enlightening, whimsical, riveting, often profound,

never boring, not at all lacking, totally absorbing

tales & tribulations of the goings on of Toronto Pip &



his Trusty [often gusty, always dusty, occasionally

crusty, mostly musty & of course my favourite big &

BUSTY] side kick Mississauga Juju.



Well Xmas is upon us and isn't it grand. You would not

believe the trees with decorations, the lights the

displays, bloody fantastic. You think shopping in

Auckland is hectic wait until you get to a mall where

there are 200,000 people doing it all in one place at

one time [shopping that is, I thought it was for the

other reason and turned up in hope, should have worn

more clothes]. I tell you it is quite a sight.

Needless to say I only went to look, Juju is getting a

wonderful gift from the dollar shop, hope she likes

it. [When I met Ju I knew I had meet Mrs Right, and

nothings changed, however no one warned me her first

name was always]?



We will of course be having a white Xmas, there is

snow on the ground and more today and over the next

few days as well. We will be skiing on boxing day

hehe, or should I say Ju will be skiing I will be

sliding and probably end up sliding down to one of the

numerous bars that you can ski/slide to, what a place.

[Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a

women's sex drive by 90%, its called a "Wedding

Cake"]?



Xmas day we are not really getting to excited about as

it will be just us two and McGregor. I am going to

serve Xmas lunch to the homeless as I think this would

be a real enlightening experience, its not the needy

its the street people [card board box dwellers]. So

will be quite an experience.



For dinner we are not going traditional, we are going

to have lobster and duck. Although, and get this for

over the top. I was watching the cooking programs last

night and this chef cut his turkey down the middle,

then cut a duck down the middle, then put a chicken

inside the duck and the duck in the turkey, all had

been individually stuffed etc. Hows that for a

different over the top take on three birds at

Christmas. [wish I was having three birds for

Christmas]



After Christmas we are going down to New York for 5

days, we have luckily been offered an apartment to

stay in, which in New York is a real offer. So Juju is

sorting out HER itinerary and I will as usual follow

along. I hope there's a Hooters in New York, don't

want any of those namby pamby Manhattan pouring bars,

with stupid pretty people everywhere. Ju has even

threatened to hide my shorts which I insist on wearing

even in the snow.



I have had a few side-ways looks by the locals as they

cannot believe that anyone would take the dog out for

a walk bare foot in shorts and a t-shirt when its

snowing and minus 6 degrees. They all think that New

Zealand is obviously closer to the south pole than

they originally thought. They do not believe that it

has never snowed in Auckland and that we have mild not

cold winters. I just tell them to harden up [which

gets the gay boys all excited] and that it isn't that

bad.



Tried to get to Montreal for business on Thursday last

week, however they had 30cm in 2 hours with a 48 hour

spread adding another 60cm. So needless to say

Montreal was crippled, and had more snow in 48 hours

than Turoa/Whakapapa get in a whole season.



Just to lighten the mood, I went to visit a friend in

hospital the other day, I asked him what had happened.

He said his wife was complaining that her breasts were

to small, so he told her to stand in front of the

mirror and rub toilet paper on them and over the years

her breasts would become bigger. When she enquired if

this would truly make her breasts bigger he responded,

"well it worked for your arse didn't it".

Needless to say he was lucky I wasn't visiting him in

the morgue.



I went to a zoo the other day,

When I got there, there was only a dog,

It was a SHIATSU.



In the beginning God created the earth, then rested.

Then he created Man, and rested.

Then he created Woman?

Since then, neither God nor Man has ever rested.



Twelve Days Of Christmas

Pips "Redneck" version

On the twelve day of xmas my women gave to me,

a 12-pack of Bud,

11 maple leaf tickets,

10 Hooters Women,

9 years probation,

8 lap dancers,

7 packs of jerky,

6 cans of spaghetti,

5 flannel shirts,

4 ice tires,

3 pack of condoms,

2 nights of jigy,

and 56" flat screen TV.



CHEERS TO ALL,[IF IN DOUBT DRINK MORE]

WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST

AND HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS.



LOVE TO ALL

TORONTO PIP