Did I tell you about the girl I met in Regina......January 30 2006

Crikey Its Toronto Pip with his trusty, oh no it's a


business trip so am on my todd.

Welcome to "the business trip that is".

Haven't had time for "the week that was" of late so

you are just going to have to put up with this short

and sweet rendition of my latest business trip.



I was sitting at Toronto airport Sunday afternoon

working out how many planes I have been on, how many

hotels I have stayed in, how many rental f...ing cars

I have hired [and were the hell am I going this time]

and wondered to myself what the hell is it all about,

way are we here, did we evolve [some of my friends

proof we did] shit that was a bit heavy, lets digress

to my trip before I get all teary eyed.



Take of 4pm to Saskatchewan, NO it was delayed out of

Saskatchewan as there was a blizzard. Take of at 7pm

NO, as we had to wait in line to be sprayed with fluid

to de-ice. Take of at 7.30 NO, we now had to wait in a

cue for 30 Min's before take off. At least I going

back in time if you know what I mean. Who ever said

travel was glamours needs a kick up the jacksy.



Flight to Sas very smooth, not so with the landing as

we had to fly through high winds [and that was just

from my pants], through a blizzard, as I was looking

out window to see were the runway was we hit, bounced,

hit, bounced, hit, bounced, hit and stopped bouncing,

[it was like watching the women's final at Melbourne,

I mean the young lady sitting next to me breast's were

doing a fantastic impersonation]. I was just starting

to get excited when the bloody pilot decided to slam

the plane into a skid, hit full reverse and brakes at

the same time so my last vision was not of a wonderful

pair of firm knocker's getting back to a normal sway

but the f...ing tray in the upright position smacking

me in the nose. To top it off the nob up the front [I

mean the pilot] announced welcome to Regina [which

sounds like va.... and his landing nearly gave me

angina]. Its a crisp -11 with wind chills of -20. Oh

great I forgot my battery operated heated long johns

and my hat. Into another Hotel to find the bar under

construction and the restaurant closed, great.

Any way I have a days work in Regina, and then up to

Saskatoon for another day, that will be great as its

-20 with wind chill of - f..k its cold. I will keep

you informed of my first real drive into the

wilderness, at the counter of the rental car company,

will you be taking the insurance option sir, "hell

yes, and can I have the red mustang I haven't bent one

of those?, Yet!

Catch you soon

Love to all

Toronto Schumaker Pip

New York on my Mind: January 25 2006

Kia ora to all back home in NZ,




It is I Toronto Pip, no I mean NYPD (New York Pip

Dept), oh I have no idea who I am.

Currently I am commuting to New York every week from

Toronto. So it is down on Monday morn & back Friday

evening, as you can guess the "banshee" is not overly

happy with these arrangements... I can assure you it

is not such a great arrangement for me either...not

enough jiggy jiggy.



Here is last weeks flying adventure...

Limo picks me up at 4am (yes limo, or town car as they

call them up here) the early hour due to the fact that

it is an international flight. Check in, no luggage

only carry on. Sit in seat at 6.15am, taxi out while

looking at snow storm dumping about 6 inches of snow

on the wing??? We de-ice which takes about 15 Min's,

then taxi to take off, pilot not happy so back to

gate...Back out to de-ice at 7.45am, this time there

is a queue, wait another 30Min's...De-ice and taxi to

join a 20min queue...Pilot announces that flight has

been cancelled due to ice rain and the plane is not

rated for flying in ice-rain. In many ways this is

rather comforting...We de-plane & there is the normal

stampede to the gate to re-book. We seasoned

traveller's stay in our seats and hit the Continental

re-dial button and re-book on the 10.30 flight with

which we are told to go to gate 9 to collect boarding

passes, 75 people do not go into 40 seats. Stroll up

to the gate and wait patiently at back of queue. They

announce that flight is full, however could Pip Wood,

John Smith etc etc please come and collect their

boarding passes. The looks we get are hostile to say

the least...Finally we take off...have 25Min's of

horrendous turbulence and arrive in Newark at 2.14pm.

Friday, limo picks me up at 5.15pm to drive to

airport, big queues as it is Friday, 8.15pm flight

back to Toronto...it starts to snow horizontally...we

board as per usual and push back on time at 8pm...taxi

out to be de-iced, with pilot saying we are on time

and will be taking off shortly after this

process...then announces that we are 39th in the

queue...2 hrs later we de-ice...taxi...and take

off...arrive in Toronto at 12.30am Sat...oh the joys

of living the life of an international business

person.

This week I chose to travel to Washington DC where I

had 2 important meetings. One was with the govt

contract dept...once you get in here and are on the

list...it means every project that is a govt funded

one...your product is specified automatically.

The next meeting was at the FBI headquarters in

DC...of course I was there on the day that George Baby

was having his State of The Nation speech...everybody

in law enforcement was on high alert...we were

visiting a very high tech area that was

CLASSIFIED...our product has been installed because of

its anti-static qualities...it was an experience...we

were x-rayed twice (this only showed up my hand

gun)...patted down twice (I pretend to enjoy that a

little to much)...no cell phones or any electronic

devices (what I can't use my spy camera in here)...I

tried to get on one of the computers to see what dirt

they had on me but alas I failed...as soon as you move

from where you are supposed to be someone in a blue

suit appears from no where...I wasn't even able to

keep my FBI visitors pass...When we left the building

I couldn't help but say "he's got a gun" loudly just

to get a reaction... apparently they don't fall for

that one anymore...

I was deposited on the pavement by two guys in blue

suits...what is it with the FBI and blue suits...



Oh god it's Super Bowl in a few weeks...I had to endue

a semi-final the other night...what a stupid game...it

takes 3 hrs to play a game of 4 x 20min

quarters...There was a game of rugby also playing but

trying to explain how real men play sport to this lot

is a waste of time...when the rugby game had finished

they were just finishing the 2nd quarter???



"The She Devil" is of to Paris next week...poor her

eh...we have a friend Robert who takes an apartment

there every year so she can stay for free...his boy

friend (hence Julie going to stay in Paris with our

friend Robert) Gerard is a fantastic & becoming well

known artist...so it gets me out of having to go there

and look at museum's/art galleries & old

buildings...all I want to do is chase French Skirt

(probably why I haven't been invited)...so she can

titter around look at art and fashion with two guys

who understand tittering about looking at art and

fashion...

Montreal (soon to be Manhattan) McGregor will have

some quality time with his dad...when I come down here

to NY he will have to join me...



That's all for now...I will be back soon as I have a

few more tales to tell...

NYPD Pip

Over and out.