Toronto Pip [anniversary] Feb 24 2006

Hi all,


Welcome to an emotionally filled, yet strangely

normal, anniversary edition of the goings on of

Toronto Pip.



I don’t want you to get all teary eyed, and I know how

you have all missed me soooo much! But I would just

like to point out that it is my one year anniversary.

Yep it has been one year, since I left Aoteoroa [our

little bit of paradise], and it only feels like

yesterday.

But don’t panic just yet I am not returning to

terrorise you all just yet. [seriously thinking about

taking a posting in Qatar or India, but that’s a whole

different story in itself], because right in the back

of my mind is this little hammer, this little

yearning, this silent pull, back to home.

HOWEVER not for a couple of years? And definitely not

until we have a “HOOTERS” bar, preferable Kohi/St

Heliers.



I have had fun, adventure, travels, memories that can

never be taken away, but I do miss family, friends,

sheep [not that way sicko], and a decent piece of

bloody beef. Christ they go on and on about there beef

and quite frankly it is crap [and as you can imagine I

tell them so].

Sure Texas has Kobe like beef farms, but still it does

not have that we eat grass, outside, 365 days of the

year flavour that our beef has. Same goes for their

dairy products.

Sure there is Ontario lamb, well I actually crack up

laughing at the St Laurent Saturday market as they

sell their Ontario lamb, which to me looks remarkably

like a leg of hogget or mutton. Either that or they

have some kind of super lamb as the joints are the

size of my thigh? A couple of the butchers have

cottoned onto the fact that I am a Kiwi [and might

know something about meat] they disappear out the back

and come in with real slabs of meat. And on occasion

they get really excited as they actually have New

Zealand lamb in stock. And without being biased it

sooo much better, even they agree on this one.



As for Mississauga Juju, I am concerned here, she has

taken to the bottle, BEER bottle that is. Paint me red

and call me rusty but she has become a beer expert,

and this is in the winter, god help me when it starts

getting warm. Preference “Sleeman’s Honey Brown” and

god help anyone who doesn’t have it. Ju is quite the

picture heading off to “the beer store” [actual name]

with her empties in her trolley [I’m not joking]. They

still give money back on returns here. I will take a

picture as it is well worth a laugh.



Anyway that’s all for now. Next week London & Paris so

“the week that was” should be entertaining, followed

by Montreal & Ottawa, it sounds so very global but

it’s all so close. So hang onto your hats and I will

catch up with you soon.



By the way give me some of your news, its always great

to hear from home, and don’t think that it is boring

compared, because actually we are just doing what is

to be done in this part of the world.



I know its summer and all but we are going skiing

again this weekend. Will try and get some photos to

you.



Love to all

Toronto Pip

"The Weeks That Were" [Ground Hog's, Grits & Business Trips] Feb 21 2006

Hi all,


Cat got your tongue, oh how quickly they forget, any

way back into my normal delivery of the goings on of

Toronto Pip and Mississauga Juju.



I trust I catch you all well and enjoying the summer.

I am loving winter here and don't know what they all

complain about. Just last night it was -13 degrees and

I still managed to take the dog out for a walk with

my rugby shorts on. The locals can't believe it and

they stand out there looking like bloody Eskimo's

complaining how cold it is. Harden up I say, [which is

probably the wrong thing considering most of them are

gay].



I know that you have all been waiting anxiously for

"the week that was", some even pinning. It has become

a kind of expectation, a cult even. However with

travel etc this time it has to be "THE WEEKS THAT

WERE". I will try in my own way to keep it brief.



GROUNDHOG DAY,

February 2nd an American & Canadian tradition were

people trek to Gobblers Knob [and no its not just

around the corner from where we live, however I

believe half off those there believe they will get

some]. Only to find Punxsutawney Phil a cute little

groundhog who predicts the end of winter. Its the day

he comes out of his hole after a long winter sleep to

look for his shadow [just like Mississauga Juju].

If it is bright and clear six more months of winter is

there.

If it is dull and cloudy, Phil recons winters over.

Needless to say we are having a longer winter.



GRITS,

What the hell is this all about, every time I go to

the mid-west or mid-south of the US of A. I am always

served coffee by Cletus, and then his sister, who is

also his mother [that explains the missing teeth and

the slow talk]. Anyway it always happens I get asked,

"you want Hominy grits or plain grits", oh god I don't

want to be rude but who the f..k wants something

called grits for breakfast. Its made from the flint or

dent of corn with hard kernels that are dried on the

cob but then they soak them in a solution of baking

soda, lime & wood ash. Apparently this soften and

loosens the hulls [not to mention softens and loosens

something else]. Plus if need be they can use the

mixture to help with the road works. Unfortunately I

had to spend the whole day in Pleasant Shade,

Tennessee and after the grits I can assure you I

wasn't a pleasant shade. They cook them in about two

inches of bacon fat. Also this was the only place in

town that you could eat at. Back for lunch and feeling

safe only to find they serve grits for all meals [I

skipped dinner]. Cletus was still there with Beth who

is his mothers sister which makes her his aunt as well

as his other sister [try and keep up will you].



BUSINESS TRIPS.

I am making a bit of an effort in the north of US of

A, been visiting and or about to visit Minnesota,

Iowa, Illinois, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania

and of course my favourite Michigan. Car Capital of

the world, or should that be gun capital of the world.

[I travel packing heat and am never far from the

bullet proof vest]. Its great you go to restaurants

and they have lockers as there is a no gun policy

inside, plus you have to walk through metal detectors

to prove your clean. WOW WHAT A COUNTRY. [I have my

own opinion on that but that would be another whole

new email in its self].



We had a visit from Vicky Broadbent [or as I like to

call her Mistress Vicky] so you can imagine the carry

on that week, yet again a whole email in its self. It

was great to see her and we had a ball.



Ju & I have been skiing [snow of course] and after a

few of you have picked yourselves up off the floor I

have to say I am loving it and will be at the 2010

Olympics probably skiing for Canada??? I will be in

ski jumping, downhill, aerials, and luge. Anyway back

up the hill this weekend to break in the new boots.



I am home in Toronto this week but next week a quick

trip to London and Paris, [just for 4 days]. Then I

have a split week in Wisconsin & Minnesota to train

some new reps and see one factory which is of interest

to us. So there you have it, a it boring I know, but

its the best I can do.



Send me a bit of your own news, its always good &

exciting to get emails, however dull.



Bye for now, Love to all.

Toronto Pip

Regina, Saskatoon,Bambi & other frozen things: Feb 1 2006

Hi Again,


More exciting business adventures of Toronto Pip in

the Canadian wilderness.



Anyway after the wonderful flight and sporting a graze

to the side of my nose, I ventured out into the

thriving metropolis that is Regina {it rhymes with}, a

wonderful town of 180,000 people. There was the most

amazing haw frost and the tree's looked well, amazing.

That was about the best of Regina.



Meetings all morning then off to a couple of site

visits, all rather boring really. Well so I thought,

after a 30 min drive we pull up to the gates of SasGeo

Energy, cool I thought a geothermal power plant. OH NO

it was only a front for a NUCLEAR power plant with the

geo part coming from else where? [I offered my

services as I had had re-fried beans at breakfast].

If you have never been to a nuclear plant do, they are

great, I think NZ needs a few, it would solve all our

energy problems, and of course some poor country is

always willing to take the waste and hide it.



I have to admit to being slightly cautious, well as

cautious as I can be. [You know a bit like a kid in a

candy store]. They got sick of my questions, whats

this, whats that, why, when, can I push that big red

button, why are sirens sounding, [I didn't do it]?

Then we got to the reactor part, cool being that close

to all that uranium. I decided to joke and asked the

lab technician if he was interested in space, [when he

answered yes I asked if anyone had probed Uranus].



They do take it seriously, no cell phones, [probably

so if it Chernobyl's when you are in there you can't

call anyone], and after you leave the reactor room you

pass through a giegercounter thingimyjig, to see if

you have gathered any radio active material while in

there. I tried to impersonate the noise those machines

make but no one was fooled.



I got back to my hotel, and when it was time to sleep

turned of the lights, and couldn't work out why it

wasn't dark. Then I realised I was glowing green,

[must have been something I ate].



Up in the morning and off to Saskatoon [which rhymes

with baboon] couldn't think of anything rude. A 3 hour

drive, so relatively short by North American

standards. The weather was gale force with the snowing

either going sideways or up, black ice everywhere, and

the road disappearing from time to time [makes for an

exciting drive and christ do you get tired

concentrating though]. Then I realsised it was 10am

and still dark, [must be further north that I

anticipated, arctic circle region].

Travel tip, don't put Regina [rhymes with va...] or

Saskatoon [rhymes with baboon] on your Canadian travel

plans. Although I can get you into the nuclear power

plant no problems.



But wait that's not all, the drive back to Regina

[rhymes with ...] was not without fun and games. Black

ice and no visibility aside it is still a requirement

to drive at 120kph, this is great until Bambi decides

to do the proverbial lets cross the road trick, now

all experience tells you to slam on the picks, swerve,

panic and all that, however I choose to floor it. Here

I ask the question, [you know all is well as I am

writing this down after the fact], but my question is,

why do animals get half way across then stop and stare

at you, Bambi move you fool, SMACK, BANG to late, [oh

look there is where I was going, and there is where I

have been, there is where is was going again, and

there is have been again, WEEEEEEE you can spin a car

in these conditions approx 8 times.

I hope Bambi is alright, whoops no I don't think Bambi

is moving. Man can a 40lb animal make a dent or what,

[car driveable check], will send photo soon, don't

show the kids, [seeing a damaged car like that is so

traumatic]. Pip 1 Deer 0. Car rental company not at

all upset happens all the time. Insurance Co 1 Pip 0.





Great, another airport, "when do we board", 6.35pm "Ok

thanks". 6.40pm oh look surprise surprise there's no

plane at our gate, attention all passengers on flight

blar blar blar to Toronto there is a slight delay,

[you think]? As there is no plane at our gate and we

are the only f....ing people in the airport that we

need to have 10 messages attention all passengers on

flight blar blar blar to Toronto there is a further

delay. Oh goodie lets have a drink, what do you mean

the bar closes at 7.30pm, what the hell

kind of place is this. Anyway get back to Toronto with

a very smooth flight, albeit 1am. Oh well that's

business life for you.



Well there you have it, a small insight into Toronto

Pips excellent business adventure to Saskatchewan

region, to its capital Regina and Saskatoon. What a

great name.



Bye for now.

Toronto Pip