Hi all in Kiwiland
Welcome to another installation of "the weeks that were". The exciting adventures of Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor? [Mississauga Juju absent in NZ, for first half of “the weeks that were”].
This instalment consists of business trips, bars, restaurants, police, special forces/swat, rabbis, Mormon's, planes, trains & automobiles, snow, “the gay pool league” & a dislocated shoulder.
Boston: Police, Rabbis, special forces/swat
Arrive in Boston to meet with rep, as per usual the flight is fine, however Boston airport is literally surrounded by the coast so it makes for bumpy, exciting crab like landings just about every occasion. Am picked up by rep and we decide to make the Hyatt Hotel our base as it looks back across the bay to downtown Boston. I explain to the waitress that we will be here for breakfast, lunch & quite possibly dinner as well. After 2.5 hrs we were approached by two policeman wearing jodhpurs, mirror glasses & an attitude [quite common in the states,] I had noticed they were hovering around the hotel which I did think was a bit strange. They enquire as to why we are staying in the restaurant & not moving, my normal witty repartee goes down like a lead balloon in a howling gale (must be the attitude), I asked if the mirror glasses could be removed and a few tense moments later as our fingers twitched on our respective hand guns, the situation is explained and we are free to stay where we are. Some big wig Rabi from Israel was in Boston talking to all the orthodox Jews of the US of A. He declined an audience with Toronto Pip who tried to explain that he has some fine ideas on all things Jewish & that I could organise some holy land in NZ if necessary. All Kosher I said & Shalom to you too.
Next thing we know there was this commotion out side and on the water, I turned to see what was going on and came face to face with a helicopter hovering about 30' from the water, commando's hanging out the side and its rocket launchers and machine guns pointing suspiciously in our direction. There were 5 of these choppers all around the harbour with police boats, coastguard cutters and all sorts going on. Every civilian boat was being boarded and the helicopters were flying over and down in front of those that got to close. TO CLOSE TO WHAT I HERE YOU SAY, all this security was for the delivery of a liquid nitrogen tanker, which apparently is just a floating bomb waiting to happen and would vaporise 2 sq.km. if it went up, and the Americans take this homeland security very seriously you know.
To end this eventful day I went to Cheers Bar which is still in its original place in Boston. I can now officially say I have had a beer at Cheers, disappointing however when I walked in no one called out my name, so is it really the bar were everybody knows your name???
Salt Lake: Mormons, Planes:
Across to Salt Lake City (another plane and of course no direct flight, so it’s Toronto, Detroit, Minnesota, Salt Lake oh the joy of it all) to visit a new OEM customer that I have just got back on board. They produce Jet-Ways for America and world wide. The tentacles that you walk down to the plane on. I arrive in Salt Lake airport to be picked up by a company rep who was mysteriously wearing a uniform? Mr Wood he enquires, yes please follows me. We walk back out onto the tarmac to a waiting private jet. Now I am no idiot and had done my homework and knew that their offices are only 40 miles north of Salt Lake City? Why the plane. It is just me and him so I ask if I can take the co-pilot seat and promised not to push too many buttons. So I say flying time 10 min’s, Yea normally he reply’s but lets take a joy ride over to some place called the Rockies and then back to the office, yea haa?? Meeting goes well and on the return journey the jet was occupied so it was back in the helicopter. Cool thing was is it was a refurbished Bell 47 the same they used in M.A.S.H, very breezy and a bit hairy as you are totally exposed and open, which made they 0 degrees and recent snow all the more exciting.
Briefly looked into the Mormon way of life and came to the conclusion that one wife was headache enough, so why add more. And apart from multiple wife’s it does not have much else to entice me.
Onto my next flight with temperatures just below 0 to fly to Arizona where temperatures were in high 20’s, realise quite quickly that the overcoat, jersey and long johns were not really required and boy I wish I had my golf clubs.
Arizona: Car's, Bars, Planes & Pains (bloody shoulder).
Get to around 11.30am to find that my flight has been cancelled and the next one is not until 11.45pm, oh the joy of it all. So decide to get a rental car to explore Phoenix. I manage to beat Alamo down to $28 for 10 hours, which is not bad. Get my key and am told car is in row 1232 lot 789. Get to this spot after a 15 walk to find a very strange looking vehicle in the slot I have been designated. A Cadillac Escalade, which to those of little car knowledge is an enormous 4 wheel drive that seats about 20 people has 5 TV screens, a microwave, and a blow up doll called Monica (think about it). All this was true up to the microwave. I thought to myself this is ridiculas, I am one person just wanting to have a look around. I head back to the kiosk, "is there a problem" well yes, it just me and at $28 dollars it is a good deal, but I have just driven 1km and already used 1/4 of a tank of gas. Can I have a small car please? So they give me a Chrysler Crossfire, I think great, here I am in Phoenix Arizona for only 8 to 10 hours and they give a convertible chick magnet. All the luck. Have a bit of a look around then back to airport. Straight to the bar, get chatting with all sorts of people, balr blar. Onto the plane for the overnight to Detroit, pilot takes her up to 44,000 feet and hits the high winds up there and peels 1 hour of the flight time. We get our wake up call at 4.30 instead of 5.30. Wake up in agony, right shoulder feeling like it was broken, free it up a bit but pain is quite bad. Change vehicles and head for Toronto.
Toronto: Dislocated Shoulder, Gay Pool League.
Get through the weekend on pain killers and alcohol, when mixed correctly can be quite fun. Go to A&E to find that shoulder is partially dislocated, cool. Dr puts it back in and frankly I would have preferred the pain I was already in, he asks me what the hell I have been doing and all I could come up with was Monica the blow up doll. The down side is that I have quite bad tendon & muscle damage and it has been three weeks with no real improvement and my shoulder droops down noticeably as age gets to me so do other things as well? Some days I have nearly chopped the bloody thing off, my arm that is?
I have joined a pool team and we play in a league of 82 teams of 4 people. Currently we are in 7th place. I am the only straight bloke in the whole league. It is Monday nights and has been hilarious to say the least. Our team is called Cell Bloke Wardens, others have names that are not printable, one that comes to mind is "bum love" & then there is the "bandits" the "botty boys" etc. I want to name a couple of teams after a recent archological discovery, where some scientists have uncovered gay dinosaus. The male is called megasorass and the female lickalotapuss. I have put these names into the hat but no one has taken them up.
Mississauga Juju returns from Aoteoroa (bugger):
Juju arrives home from NZ, all is good and she had a great time as some of you are aware. So life back to normal. Well as normal as it can be while being married to me. Mac & I keep our distance for a few days just to make sure tolerance levels are within normal female range. I obviously weakened by pain killers pushed a bit hard on day three and things really got back to normal as I am given a good talking too, I make things worse by saying that I have been naughty and should be spanked.
Apart from that all is well, winter on the way temperatures below 5 and we are getting small snow flurries, so bring on the snow I say.
Next week in Detroit, then Thur/Fri is Thanks Giving. Following week Chicago, Wisconson & Minisotta.
So cheers to all,
Toronto Pip
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