Christmas Cheer from the City of Queens and Queers! December 21 2006

MERRY CHRISTMAS,


WELCOME TO A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

of

TORONTO PIP "THE WEEK THAT WAS" WHICH IS NOW "THE WEEKS THAT WERE".

My latest jejune missive is a whimsical update on Toronto Pip, his trusty side-kick Mississauga Juju and the ever present babe magnet Montreal McGregor. I am a bit tender at present being the time of year so I don't want negative responses questioning the banality of its contents only being surpassed by the egregious form of my writing. [I really must get of the pills, but god bless America and valium sold over the counter].

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas as Bing once said, we'll it would be nice, here I was all set up for skiing on Christmas day and bloody Al Gore goes and does some bloody doco on global warming and f... me if there is no snow in Toronto or greater area. First time in 20 years, and on my bloody watch. [I blame NZ and all the hot air from parliament and of course the sheep & cattle farting]. What a load of s... it has nothing to do with any of that.



So quite frankly I am completely pissed off and am telling everyone who cares to listen. I think a big night on the truth serum is in order.



Not all is lost though as Ju & I have decided to bail from Canada & head to Vermont (Jay Peak) to carve up the mountain as they actually have snow. So we are going to spend 5 days from 26th though 31st. Then we will head to Montreal for New Years and have our dose of the old François? Back to Toronto for some celebrity parties, and a few farewells.

Farwell's I here you say, yes on Jan 15th I set up my New York office, pledge allegiance to the flag & vote republican. No more dealing with conservative Canadians. Ju, Mac & belongings will follow soon after once we find our NY apartment, of course "she who must be obeyed" has requirements, the list is a view of NY skyline, a view of the Hudson river or Central Park, 2 bedrooms (his & hers) a gym & pool. Personally she will be lucky if we don't end up with a no bedroom basement with a view of the local Chinese restaurants dumpster, and the subway going past the window every 1/2 hour. But all good and we are looking forward to the next stage of Toronto Pip, Mississauga Juju & Montreal McGregor’s new adventures in the US of A. Think of the "weeks that were" and stories we will have once there, oh I bet you can't wait. The New York names may be "Jersey Juju", "Manhattan McGregor" "Yonkers Pip" , so stay tuned.



The end of year has been busy with travel etc; I have been doing many day trips to NY which has been quite taxing mentally & physically. Plus the usual Detroit, Salt Lake, Chicago, Cleveland, Buffalo etc so a wee break is going to be fantastic.



I am going to leave it there as you are all obviously so busy that you have forgotten to email me with a Merry Christmas.

Remember to sing along to such songs as

I'm dreaming of a nice mistress

Frosty the Snow Man just melted on the lawn

All I want for Christmas is darn good shag

Grandma got run over by a dairy cow

I saw mummy blowing Santa balloons

Rudolf the Brown Nose Reindeer

Winter Wonder-if-it-will Bloody Snow Soon

&

I'll Be Home for Christmas (but not this year)



Be safe, be kind, be good, be healthy, be having a toast in our absence.

We will be thinking of you all.

Much Love

TORONTO PIP, MISSISSAUGA JUJU & MONTREAL McGREGOR.