Frank, Judy and Robert

Frank, the elderly English Bulldog licking the plate belongs to Robert, our neighbour and friend. He also is dad to Judy, a rather self contained French Bulldog who positively loathes Mcgreogor. (He hasnt been on his best behaviour with her to be honest!)
Frank is a character and though he is about nine years older than Mac, they move at about the same pace so is the perfect walking partner for our sniffmeister!

Walks through the wooded 'dogs off lead' area of High Park and down at Cherry Beach are a treat and get us in touch with the beauty of Toronto's parks and lakefront.

Keeping it Real and Living the Dream: May 25 2006

Hi All in Aoteoroa,


Crikey its been a while, and I know you have missed me and my weekly jejune missive’s of the life & times of Toronto Pip, and his rusty [early stages of senior moments] sidekick Mississauga Juju, and the one and only [bird magnet] Montreal McGregor. So paint me red and call me rusty the absence was noted, documented and even phone calls were made, what could be the reason for the absence of said memo. Could be because nothing is happening [unlikely], or I have had writers block [some say it's a shame that my mouth doesn't follow suit], or just plain to bloody busy at work & play. But that's the way it is sometimes, some call it life, welcome to my world I say. So sit back with a beer, red wine, vanilla wine, super whine [wife] and enjoy another long winded [wife again] “the weeks that were”.



So, it’s been about 3 weeks eh. So let me recap on the main events with a little bit of light humour thrown in for superfluous value. Ooh, you just know its going to be good when I start using big words that I have no idea what they mean.

Just an insight into my wonderful world of work, travel, fun & games, the company accountant has just informed me that in the last 365 days, I have stayed in a hotel 122 times, flown 35 different airlines on 65 flights and hired 45 compact rental cars.

At a glance;

4.5 months [1/3 of the year] away.

30 airports.

10 days of flying time.

86 days in a rental car.

So as you can see its not all fun & games. Well actually it’s not that bad but sympathy is a wonderful thing, and I’m sure Mississauga Juju sees my so called business trips a cause for great enjoyment. Ju & her jessie mates get together drink and bitch about men and all that jazz.



I have endured another trip to Detroit, Michigan. Bullet proof vest and Remington at the ready, you know it’s a safe place when you walk out the door of the hotel give the doorman $1 tip only to be told I wouldn’t go passed the end of the building in either direction, no seriously. Had an important meeting with Motor City Casino, what an eye opener, 10am in the morning and it is packed, buffet is full of already large Americans eating waffles and pancakes, and not to be to rude [most unlike me] it looks like not one of them should be there or in the casino betting either. And this all on a Wednesday, bloody scary.

Then onto my famous meetings with GM [General Motors for you slow ones], through security screen 1, get given a locker where you store your gun and vest, then screen 2 where they pat you down, then up for the meeting. This is my favourite part, no holds bared in looking after a guest. Its Crispy Creme Donuts and a 2 gallon cardboard box of coffee that is yet again undrinkable, the coffee cartel [don't care as they are making millions] and their growers [who get about a cent per pound] would be ashamed. They all laugh and say things like you British are so funny with your tea? I’m from f...king New Zealand you ignorant mid-west inbred, and if George Bush is all that you can come up with its sad, and the only reason I want tea is because contrary to what you all think your coffee is crap and not everything in the USA is better or bigger than the rest of the world. Anyhow managed to secure a good two year contract with GM for all there car dealerships and travelling car show

stages.

Down to Toledo in my quest to find Clinger [M.A.S.H], its sad Toledo at one time was a great city, now it is a ghost town, almost worse than Detroit. Into Ohio for a quick lets see if our distributor is still up to it or should we find a rep, distributor 0 rep 1. This will have to wait until after my holiday. Visited the Cleveland music "Rock Hall of Fame" listed as one of the attractions one should see in life. Pretty amazing really, will take the she devil their soon.

Through Pennsylvania to see if the combine harvesters have been rolled out ready for action. They are quite fun to drive actually, but it does pay to ask first, [not allowed back in Pennsylvania for 90 days].

Then down to Buffalo where they are famous for there wings [buffalo wings, for you slow ones]. Trying to find a rep or distributor here is like the Blues scoring a try, near impossible."GO THE HURRICANES".

They do how ever have a very well recognized art gallery, wonders never cease to amaze me. Ooh look there's Niagara Falls over to the left [17 times].



As you are aware we live in a very social area of Toronto [happy & gay so to speak], and it has been suggested that my proclivity in that direction has escaped no ones attention. We’ll I can say to you that don’t knock it until you have tried it? And it still remains the only place in the world that when we go out I get the free drinks. It is also very handy for dog walking and dog day care when required.

Speaking of McGregor, he has become a bit of a celebrity. He works in the famous Toronto Cook Book store where all they sell is cook books? Celebrity chefs from all over North America & beyond come and do book signings etc. Mac has been filmed 3 or 4 times and has even been included in some photo shoots. To the dismay of the manager there are even people who come into buy books only if he is in residence. He also has some girl friends who visit and I can only thank god I whipped his knackers off [sad but true] otherwise there would already be Westiedoddles or Bichionesties running amuck.



Mum & Dad are up next week, so that will be fantastic, can't wait. So the standard Niagara Falls [18 times], then the site and sounds of Toronto, lets see if we can get Mum up the CN Tower at 535m which is still the tallest free standing structure in the world. Then Montreal to hassle the Quebec qua, especially in the old port [French quarter]. Then across to Nova Scotia to hunt down some bloke called McGregor. Down to New York for a week, museum's, shops, galleries, that will probably kill us all, and then we will take in a leisurely stroll around a golf course, while watching the US OPEN, and some Maori boy do his stuff. I do hope Tiger turns up, I can't wait to hell "BE THE BALL" on his down stroke and see what the reaction is from fellow kiwi Mike. I will take my chances with security also and do the Haka in the middle of the 18th fairway, so watch the golf on Saturday you may see me.



Any how, that's all for now, send me some of your own news, its always good to here news from Aoteoroa. I'll send a couple of photo's soon, one of me with the future Mrs Wood, and one of me & McGregor at Stratford on Avon, both looking thoroughly at wick's end with the banshee.



And just remember, "KEEP IT REAL" oh god I'm turning into a North American, however I am LIVING THE DREAM.



Love to you all,

Toronto pip

Flying, Driving, Rugby and other dangerous sports: April 18 2006

Hi All, I’m Baaaaack?


Happy belated Easter.

To those who have had a Birthday, sorry, “Happy Birthday”?

To those that haven’t, well I haven’t forgotten yet.

Welcome to “the weeks that were” another exciting episode & insight into the world that is Toronto Pip, & his trusty companions Mississauga Juju & Montreal McGregor.

It has been a trying 3 weeks, I have seen things I wish I hadn’t, nearly been arrested in Chicago, lost my cool with an airline employee [most unlike me], had a police escort out of a small town [after a few quite ones], flown on 7 different airlines, visited as many airports, crossed 6 states, and driven approx 2000 miles [miles not kms as they are backward up here, well in the US of A that is.]



You may have noticed that there have been a few weeks of silence; this can only be put down to a couple of things. [One], I can’t be bothered, as you are all hopeless with emails, or [Two], I have been working so bloody hard that I haven’t had time to think let alone send emails home about my fantastic, exciting and reverting adventures. You choose.

It goes a bit like this.

Week One:

Rome, Amsterdam, and Geneva. All great, except a day in each place makes for a weary traveller. The later to check out if the convention was still alive and kicking. You know the Geneva Convention. It’s all part of my world domination plans, which I must say are coming along nicely. As long as I keep the Middle East a busy hot spot everything will just fall into place. I am sure chairman Helen is all for it, especially if I ensure her a spot in line up.

You guessed it I have made it my mission that there will be a “HOOTER’S” in every continent and in every city, and it will be a requirement to visit the “TEMPLE” at least once a week and once on weekends.

When Super 12 or 14 or whatever they bloody call it now is on, as a male you will be required to attend Friday through Sunday, wife’s by appointment only, unless wearing a Hooters uniform.

All of us who don’t live in Wellington can be thank full as that is where Helen will be.

Of course scantily clad young ladies have nothing to do with it; it’s all about the wings, ribs and sports on TV.

Week Two.

Rochester, Syracuse, Utica and Albany all cities in New York State. Albany being the capitol. We drove on this trip part of the trip as it is only 10 hours there and 10 hours back?? Yes I let “she who must be obeyed” come with me [mental note, do not travel on business with wife]. This does not include Montreal McGregor who acts as a babe magnet, and has numerous other advantages. I had one blond announce to me that I must be English, no I said “I was from New Zealand” and so is McGregor, with which she asked me if he would understand her if she asked him to sit?? No joke. Dear God its no wonder they can’t organise a piss up in a brewery.

Had some very important meetings while trying to see the sights at same time. Ended up getting totally confused and telling the treasury and defence dept about my world domination plans, and the custodian of some art gallery all about how our company can help them by relieving them of heaps of money. I think on reflection that I got that one back to front.

On the way back Juju decided that we should drive up through the Adirondacks, lovely country side and of course adds two more driving hours, but also meant we circumnavigated Lake Ontario. While up in the hills we came across some Amish men cutting a tree up that had fallen in a storm. Bloody amazing, two Clydesdales and a cart, hand saws, with a tree about 5 foot thick. Then down the road came the horse drawn cart with lunch. You have to take your hat of to them, what a way to live.

After a brief conversation about chainsaws, v8’s & Hooters bars, I them told them how bloody proud of them I was, and that bloody hard work was the f….ing corner stone of life, and that they deserve a great big f…king medal.

Week Three.

Chicago, what a great town, spent Monday evening on the 95th floor of the Hancock building drinking Martinis and talking business with our Illinois distributor while watching the sun set, and the world go by, way down below.

Next day meetings, then on Tuesday late afternoon had to drive to Woodstock to meet a new sports track and sports floor agent/distributor. What a score not only is he going to be a great agent but he owns half of Woodstock, including three bars. With which we proceeded to do a mini pub crawl around for a couple or six hours. After some good old boys had a hand gun shoot up into the air competition I decided that I should make my way back to Chicago. Needless to say I was in the middle of no where and must have eaten some bad seafood. No problem, not only did he own half the town but also the police department. I managed a 45 minute police escort back to my hotel, what luck eh!

Next morning a 5 hour drive to St Louis, Missouri to meet another new rep, unfortunately she had had a death in the family and had failed to tell me, so then I drove 5 hours back to Chicago. Here the problems started!!!!

Extremely tired, I returned the rental car. Took the courtesy bus to the airport. Now picture one of the busiest airports in the world and a tired and still feeling ill [after the bad seafood] Toronto Pip, quite frankly it was a cocktail heading toward one of the Molotov kind.

Firstly, it was Wednesday late afternoon, it was a long weekend, and my ticket was for Friday evening on US Air. Calm at first I explained the situation to the lovely [albeit her eyes to close together] lady, she told me that there was one seat left on the evening flight. Great I said, with which her reply was that will be $US400 thanks. I then said but I already hold a fully paid return ticket to Buffalo from Chicago? Well it’s the last seat and policy states that I have to sell it, not re-book anyone. Still calm I pushed for the bereavement policy, no it was $400 dollars and that was that. Blood pressure rising I asked for her supervisor. She duly arrived and my case was again pitched, here it starts to get funny, no she could not put me on that flight unless I wanted to pay $400. However we can book you on Continental who have plenty of seats and will only cost $115, but what could I do, they sold me the ticket with Continental even though they were in another

terminal. Then the ripper came, [the one that sent me over the edge], after handing me the ticket she then handed me another ticket which had a credit of $275 on it for the leg of the trip that I will not be flying with them [$275 credit?????????]. I bloody exploded a credit for $275 however happy to book me on another airline and lose $275. What the hell was the point of trying to sell me a $400 ticket when you were going to credit me back the majority of the original anyway. Raised voices and a bright red complexion gained the attention of one of Chicago’s finest, it was like the movies, “sir calm down”, “sir are you trying to create a scene”, “sir if you don’t calm down I will have to shoot you”. Then he shadowed [escorted] me on the train between terminals. To top things off on this eventful day there was a 2 hour queue to get through security. I was then asked to step aside as I had been SELECTED to be searched. So another 30 min wait while they

swabbed my bag, so as required I removed my shoes, belt, jacket, coins, wallet, cell phone, wedding ring, lap top, hand bag, gun, false teeth, artificial leg, etc etc, and was duly patted down, I however enjoyed that part. Flight was great and we were early [there must be a god]. Got to Buffalo realising that I still had a 1.5 hr drive back to Toronto. Big car crash in car park so it was log jammed. Got home 2am Thursday morning after being awake for 22 hours. Up-side is that I actually got to have a break over Easter with no work.

That’s all for now, stay tuned however, as I am back in Detroit next week, so bullet proof vest and gun in hand, and then to Alaska, so red necks and crabs [the eating type you sicko's].

Love to all

Toronto Pip

Skiing, Chinatown and the frozen North: March 15 2006

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Kia Ora Koutou,

Welcome to another enthralling episode of the goings

on of Toronto Pip and his Trusty sidekick's

Mississauga Juju & Montreal McGregor [the french

cannot see the irony in that one, go figure].



Anyway hi to all in Kiwiland, enjoying the last of the

summer I hope and looking forward to sitting back and

enjoying the "Commonwealth Games". Not to to blunt but

there has not been one bit of media air time or

attention paid to this 18th games, I don't know what

that means but a distinct lack of coverage for us no

doubt.



Unlike the 24 hrs of the winter Olympics we had to

endure. I particularly liked the curling and am

looking to take it up next season, if I can fit it

into my heavy training schedule along with my ski

jumping, bobsledding & downhill.

I have worked out after a short time with the "she

devil" or "she who must be obeyed while on the hill"

[yes we are still skiing and it is still snowing and

we are up the hill again this weekend] that it is way

better for me just go straight and as fast as possible

to the bottom, and then start all over. Here I have a

distinct advantage that all you who know about physics

should be able to work out. Lay-mans terms, mass +

weight + downward slop means faster Toronto Pip.

Faster Toronto Pip means green blur and ability to

escape the teacher "Mississauga Juju". The beauty of

where we ski at the Blue Mountains is that you can ski

to the door of various pubs, sink a bottle of red wine

and then hit the slopes even more dangerous than ever,

and with a bottle on board fear seems to go out the

window, and rails and jumps become more useful for

getting down even faster.



Lets talk rugby, the "Blues", we'll that says it all

and is enough about that topic.



Last weekend "spooky woman" and I went to China Town

to do our shopping, [we leave "Montreal McGregor" at

home for various reasons]. Anyway they have the best

beef and pork and it is so much cheaper than anywhere

else. My mandarin is coming along well and I look

forward to become a driving instructor on my return to

NZ. I have developed some fantastic hand gestures as

well, [no explanation needed here], just picture a

tall white bloke surrounded by thousands of yellow

blokes and the tall bloke doing a fine impression of

Jackie Chan crossed with a Holland windmill.



I was in Ottawa and Montreal last week on business.

Ottawa is where parliament is, so it is all very

parliament like. The buildings though are very french

etc are fantastic, and Ottawa has the longest river in

the world that can be skated on. We haven't done the

skating thing yet, [I did in Montreal but that's

coming up] it just looks like a recipe for disaster,

and I can see a broken ankle and various other serious

injuries, and that's just the poor buggers I crash

into. I visited flightscape which is an airline black

box manufacturer, all very interesting really, they

had all the big wigs from JAL [Japanese airlines]

there, so I did an impromptu Haka to stir them along,

they looked a bit serious so I hope they hadn't

suffered some black box crisis on one of their

airlines. No one had taken out the ceremonial sword at

the stage I was asked to leave.



In Montreal where it was -22 degrees and the car park

was a makeshift skate arena, I managed to have my

first good fall on the ice. It was a beautifully

choreographed event with me managing to get one leg

out of the passenger side only to have it disappear at

a startling rate, followed by the rest of my body, the

result was one leg in car jammed under dashboard,

other heading out at an unimaginable angle [those of

you who have seen me do it, and yes I still can, "the

splits"] so there I am bum to shoulder blade immersed

in two inches of slush and fresh rain yet to be

frozen, and my head cracking the ice. After which my

efforts to get up as quickly as possible had me

heading off through the car park on my hands and

knees, [so am not putting figure skating on my list].

Needless to say after my explicit verbal reaction to

this the Quebec Qua have taken me on as a new

spokesman, which is by no means easy as they are folk

who consider you an inferior human because you speak

English.

Then into a company called CAE Electronics who produce

flight simulators for all aircraft of the world. Now

this is good fun and I have now had two small

sessions, 1 in an Airbus A320 the other in a Boeing

767. All good fun really.



I left Montreal at 4.30 pm by car and looked up at the

sign that said Toronto 535km, so I rang Mississauga

Juju and asked what was or dinner as I would be home

about 8pm?, bullshit I hear you say! But with the

highway being straight the whole way and with

everybody doing about 130kmh when you push it up to

145kmh it is achievable. End result dinner with the

trouble and strife.



This weekend skiing, and next week in Wisconsin &

Minnesota. So look forward to next weeks "the week

that was" coming from an American inbred own near you.

Cletus and his sister who is also his mother plus Hank

have been waiting my arrival.



Much love to all,

P's. send me your news as you are all hopeless.

Toronto pip

Toronto Pip [anniversary] Feb 24 2006

Hi all,


Welcome to an emotionally filled, yet strangely

normal, anniversary edition of the goings on of

Toronto Pip.



I don’t want you to get all teary eyed, and I know how

you have all missed me soooo much! But I would just

like to point out that it is my one year anniversary.

Yep it has been one year, since I left Aoteoroa [our

little bit of paradise], and it only feels like

yesterday.

But don’t panic just yet I am not returning to

terrorise you all just yet. [seriously thinking about

taking a posting in Qatar or India, but that’s a whole

different story in itself], because right in the back

of my mind is this little hammer, this little

yearning, this silent pull, back to home.

HOWEVER not for a couple of years? And definitely not

until we have a “HOOTERS” bar, preferable Kohi/St

Heliers.



I have had fun, adventure, travels, memories that can

never be taken away, but I do miss family, friends,

sheep [not that way sicko], and a decent piece of

bloody beef. Christ they go on and on about there beef

and quite frankly it is crap [and as you can imagine I

tell them so].

Sure Texas has Kobe like beef farms, but still it does

not have that we eat grass, outside, 365 days of the

year flavour that our beef has. Same goes for their

dairy products.

Sure there is Ontario lamb, well I actually crack up

laughing at the St Laurent Saturday market as they

sell their Ontario lamb, which to me looks remarkably

like a leg of hogget or mutton. Either that or they

have some kind of super lamb as the joints are the

size of my thigh? A couple of the butchers have

cottoned onto the fact that I am a Kiwi [and might

know something about meat] they disappear out the back

and come in with real slabs of meat. And on occasion

they get really excited as they actually have New

Zealand lamb in stock. And without being biased it

sooo much better, even they agree on this one.



As for Mississauga Juju, I am concerned here, she has

taken to the bottle, BEER bottle that is. Paint me red

and call me rusty but she has become a beer expert,

and this is in the winter, god help me when it starts

getting warm. Preference “Sleeman’s Honey Brown” and

god help anyone who doesn’t have it. Ju is quite the

picture heading off to “the beer store” [actual name]

with her empties in her trolley [I’m not joking]. They

still give money back on returns here. I will take a

picture as it is well worth a laugh.



Anyway that’s all for now. Next week London & Paris so

“the week that was” should be entertaining, followed

by Montreal & Ottawa, it sounds so very global but

it’s all so close. So hang onto your hats and I will

catch up with you soon.



By the way give me some of your news, its always great

to hear from home, and don’t think that it is boring

compared, because actually we are just doing what is

to be done in this part of the world.



I know its summer and all but we are going skiing

again this weekend. Will try and get some photos to

you.



Love to all

Toronto Pip

"The Weeks That Were" [Ground Hog's, Grits & Business Trips] Feb 21 2006

Hi all,


Cat got your tongue, oh how quickly they forget, any

way back into my normal delivery of the goings on of

Toronto Pip and Mississauga Juju.



I trust I catch you all well and enjoying the summer.

I am loving winter here and don't know what they all

complain about. Just last night it was -13 degrees and

I still managed to take the dog out for a walk with

my rugby shorts on. The locals can't believe it and

they stand out there looking like bloody Eskimo's

complaining how cold it is. Harden up I say, [which is

probably the wrong thing considering most of them are

gay].



I know that you have all been waiting anxiously for

"the week that was", some even pinning. It has become

a kind of expectation, a cult even. However with

travel etc this time it has to be "THE WEEKS THAT

WERE". I will try in my own way to keep it brief.



GROUNDHOG DAY,

February 2nd an American & Canadian tradition were

people trek to Gobblers Knob [and no its not just

around the corner from where we live, however I

believe half off those there believe they will get

some]. Only to find Punxsutawney Phil a cute little

groundhog who predicts the end of winter. Its the day

he comes out of his hole after a long winter sleep to

look for his shadow [just like Mississauga Juju].

If it is bright and clear six more months of winter is

there.

If it is dull and cloudy, Phil recons winters over.

Needless to say we are having a longer winter.



GRITS,

What the hell is this all about, every time I go to

the mid-west or mid-south of the US of A. I am always

served coffee by Cletus, and then his sister, who is

also his mother [that explains the missing teeth and

the slow talk]. Anyway it always happens I get asked,

"you want Hominy grits or plain grits", oh god I don't

want to be rude but who the f..k wants something

called grits for breakfast. Its made from the flint or

dent of corn with hard kernels that are dried on the

cob but then they soak them in a solution of baking

soda, lime & wood ash. Apparently this soften and

loosens the hulls [not to mention softens and loosens

something else]. Plus if need be they can use the

mixture to help with the road works. Unfortunately I

had to spend the whole day in Pleasant Shade,

Tennessee and after the grits I can assure you I

wasn't a pleasant shade. They cook them in about two

inches of bacon fat. Also this was the only place in

town that you could eat at. Back for lunch and feeling

safe only to find they serve grits for all meals [I

skipped dinner]. Cletus was still there with Beth who

is his mothers sister which makes her his aunt as well

as his other sister [try and keep up will you].



BUSINESS TRIPS.

I am making a bit of an effort in the north of US of

A, been visiting and or about to visit Minnesota,

Iowa, Illinois, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania

and of course my favourite Michigan. Car Capital of

the world, or should that be gun capital of the world.

[I travel packing heat and am never far from the

bullet proof vest]. Its great you go to restaurants

and they have lockers as there is a no gun policy

inside, plus you have to walk through metal detectors

to prove your clean. WOW WHAT A COUNTRY. [I have my

own opinion on that but that would be another whole

new email in its self].



We had a visit from Vicky Broadbent [or as I like to

call her Mistress Vicky] so you can imagine the carry

on that week, yet again a whole email in its self. It

was great to see her and we had a ball.



Ju & I have been skiing [snow of course] and after a

few of you have picked yourselves up off the floor I

have to say I am loving it and will be at the 2010

Olympics probably skiing for Canada??? I will be in

ski jumping, downhill, aerials, and luge. Anyway back

up the hill this weekend to break in the new boots.



I am home in Toronto this week but next week a quick

trip to London and Paris, [just for 4 days]. Then I

have a split week in Wisconsin & Minnesota to train

some new reps and see one factory which is of interest

to us. So there you have it, a it boring I know, but

its the best I can do.



Send me a bit of your own news, its always good &

exciting to get emails, however dull.



Bye for now, Love to all.

Toronto Pip

Regina, Saskatoon,Bambi & other frozen things: Feb 1 2006

Hi Again,


More exciting business adventures of Toronto Pip in

the Canadian wilderness.



Anyway after the wonderful flight and sporting a graze

to the side of my nose, I ventured out into the

thriving metropolis that is Regina {it rhymes with}, a

wonderful town of 180,000 people. There was the most

amazing haw frost and the tree's looked well, amazing.

That was about the best of Regina.



Meetings all morning then off to a couple of site

visits, all rather boring really. Well so I thought,

after a 30 min drive we pull up to the gates of SasGeo

Energy, cool I thought a geothermal power plant. OH NO

it was only a front for a NUCLEAR power plant with the

geo part coming from else where? [I offered my

services as I had had re-fried beans at breakfast].

If you have never been to a nuclear plant do, they are

great, I think NZ needs a few, it would solve all our

energy problems, and of course some poor country is

always willing to take the waste and hide it.



I have to admit to being slightly cautious, well as

cautious as I can be. [You know a bit like a kid in a

candy store]. They got sick of my questions, whats

this, whats that, why, when, can I push that big red

button, why are sirens sounding, [I didn't do it]?

Then we got to the reactor part, cool being that close

to all that uranium. I decided to joke and asked the

lab technician if he was interested in space, [when he

answered yes I asked if anyone had probed Uranus].



They do take it seriously, no cell phones, [probably

so if it Chernobyl's when you are in there you can't

call anyone], and after you leave the reactor room you

pass through a giegercounter thingimyjig, to see if

you have gathered any radio active material while in

there. I tried to impersonate the noise those machines

make but no one was fooled.



I got back to my hotel, and when it was time to sleep

turned of the lights, and couldn't work out why it

wasn't dark. Then I realised I was glowing green,

[must have been something I ate].



Up in the morning and off to Saskatoon [which rhymes

with baboon] couldn't think of anything rude. A 3 hour

drive, so relatively short by North American

standards. The weather was gale force with the snowing

either going sideways or up, black ice everywhere, and

the road disappearing from time to time [makes for an

exciting drive and christ do you get tired

concentrating though]. Then I realsised it was 10am

and still dark, [must be further north that I

anticipated, arctic circle region].

Travel tip, don't put Regina [rhymes with va...] or

Saskatoon [rhymes with baboon] on your Canadian travel

plans. Although I can get you into the nuclear power

plant no problems.



But wait that's not all, the drive back to Regina

[rhymes with ...] was not without fun and games. Black

ice and no visibility aside it is still a requirement

to drive at 120kph, this is great until Bambi decides

to do the proverbial lets cross the road trick, now

all experience tells you to slam on the picks, swerve,

panic and all that, however I choose to floor it. Here

I ask the question, [you know all is well as I am

writing this down after the fact], but my question is,

why do animals get half way across then stop and stare

at you, Bambi move you fool, SMACK, BANG to late, [oh

look there is where I was going, and there is where I

have been, there is where is was going again, and

there is have been again, WEEEEEEE you can spin a car

in these conditions approx 8 times.

I hope Bambi is alright, whoops no I don't think Bambi

is moving. Man can a 40lb animal make a dent or what,

[car driveable check], will send photo soon, don't

show the kids, [seeing a damaged car like that is so

traumatic]. Pip 1 Deer 0. Car rental company not at

all upset happens all the time. Insurance Co 1 Pip 0.





Great, another airport, "when do we board", 6.35pm "Ok

thanks". 6.40pm oh look surprise surprise there's no

plane at our gate, attention all passengers on flight

blar blar blar to Toronto there is a slight delay,

[you think]? As there is no plane at our gate and we

are the only f....ing people in the airport that we

need to have 10 messages attention all passengers on

flight blar blar blar to Toronto there is a further

delay. Oh goodie lets have a drink, what do you mean

the bar closes at 7.30pm, what the hell

kind of place is this. Anyway get back to Toronto with

a very smooth flight, albeit 1am. Oh well that's

business life for you.



Well there you have it, a small insight into Toronto

Pips excellent business adventure to Saskatchewan

region, to its capital Regina and Saskatoon. What a

great name.



Bye for now.

Toronto Pip