Hi To All,
Welcome to "The Week That Was" an enlightening capture
of the goings on of Toronto Pip and his Trusty
(although sometimes dusty sidekick)Mississauga Juju.
As you may be aware I have had some trouble with
writers block, however I am back with vengeance and
some off you may think that my latest jejune missive
is absolute diatribe garbage. But here it is anyway,
and I don't want negative responses questioning the
banality of its contents only being surpassed by the
egregious form of my writing. Wow what a start. Crikey
some of you may need to get the dictionary out for
this one.
Its been good up here and there has been a bit going
on. We had Bill Clinton come into town, quite frankly
the man looks unwell. It does not change the fact that
he still swoons all the girls and does have the
amazing characteristic that is charisma. He
unfortunately declined my offer of a quick pint and a
cigar in the local as he had other arrangements that
were apparently more important. I may have crossed the
line with the cigar and incest comment, I did not have
sexual relations with my relative, I mean I did not
have a sexual relationship with my, alas it was too
late the damage was done and he was gone.
Gondola (yes I know it's a Venetian boat) Rice or what
ever her name is, is also in town, she has the
enviable job of discussing the North American soft
wood issue (maybe they should have sent Bill to do
this one, he has no trouble with soft wood). Anyway
she disagrees with Canada on this one.
It has got cold here, one thing you can rely on is the
weather man, unlike at home in NZ when they say its
going to happen, 97.5% of the time it does. We are
swinging (not literally) between 3 & 8 degrees and we
have been told to expect some snow this weekend. I am
going to celebrate by having a swim in the lake. I
will have to time this right as it is dark at 6pm and
not light again until 7.30am and I would hate to be
ravaged by a marauding salmon or randy bass.
You know when winter is her, the ads go from jet-skis
to snowmobiles overnight. Invitations read bring
firewood, whisky, bear repellent, rifle, skis,
snowmobile optional.
The trees are red,
The grass is dead,
I wonder where the bears is.
The wind is cold,
The moose are bold,
My wife is old.
I think I'll stick to writing the week that was
instead.
We went line dancing and two stepping the other night,
its actually not bad, although the country music does
grind on you. It all went well, but understandably
with all the gay boys in our community there was a
large shortage of females. So the inevitable happened,
I was asked to dance. It was fine as I am at one with
my sexuality, however we had issues as we both
insisted on leading (apparently he is the boy in his
relationship also), it made for some interesting steps
on the dance floor.
Now you are going to have to read my views on the
outcome of NZ's election. Mainly the Auckland
situation which can be seen as an overview of the
country??
Its called "every vote would count"
This election over 90% of us raised off our respective
bums and voted, unfortunately voting in a collective
of bums as well.
But hey that's your right, and if you want a result,
really really want a result then mouthing off at the
dinner party won't cut it.
National pushed hard and did well with the party vote
and very nearly came through. But all through South
Auckland the Maori party were busy enrolling first
time voters with the instruction to vote for the Maori
electorate candidate and give your party vote to
Labour. Nearly Labours down fall. Meantime the Labour
party were very busy working the Islander vote in the
same areas (many Pacificas were hostile to much of
Labours pro gay legislation, I say harden up you guys,
are you forgetting your Fa'a'fafine. But that was
enough for a labour lead coalition. Meanwhile Rodney
Hide mobilised a team of Chinese who got their vote
out and nearly 7000 of the little guys (there taking
over the world you know) and voted for act in Epsom.
The very clear moral here is that Auckland is only the
most ethnically driven city, but not the only one.
Winston gets foreign affairs (god help us), but Not
Trade, (thank god). On the other hand Helen baby will
still write all his scripts so I don't think we'll be
declaring any wars. And it may be that Helen is
getting in a bit of succession planning. Dissent is
not allowed in her presence (your little red books
will be turning up soon). But what happens if Doc
Cullen gets hit by a bus? She knows full well that
most of her caucus couldn't read a bank statement
never mind a balance sheet, as well as the fall out
from the flawed legislation driven by Margaret Wilson
still shows great damage potential.
BUT we have a government with neither Green nor Maori
Party in Cabinet (ye ha), so pass the Pinot Noir and
lets have a drink and plot.
Juju got bored on Sunday and dragged me out into the
cold and decided she wanted to go to "Hooters" for
lunch, Yes Hooters, I can honestly say I had nothing
to do with this, not even planting the seed. We were
served by Tasha a wonderful young lady with great
personal-titty. We watched the games, yes games, there
were five on the go. I must admit I had difficulty
concentrating.
The ice hockey is in full swing and they deserve to
wear pads, they play 2 to 3 times a week and get
smacked up pretty bad.
The American Football is different its an absolute
waste of time. They take two hours to get around 10
Min's of actual ball in play time. Needless to say I
have no interest in this game and have no problem
telling them to harden up and get involved in a real
game.
Well that's all been pretty tame so I better add some
rudeness so that mum will have something to be
embarrassed about. So here goes.
A new friend of mine up here is 58, divorced and has
had the snip (vasectomy for you slow ones). He meet
this fantastic 20 year old and has married her. He
goes to the Doc and says,
"Hey since I saw you last I have a new wife, she is 20
and you won't believe it she is pregnant". "What do
you think about that"?
The doc considers this for a moment.
He begins "I have a friend who is an avid hunter, one
day he goes into the forest and to his absolute
disbelieve he forgot his ammo". "So to not have a
complete shit of a day he decides to do through the
motions anyway". "He sees this huge beaver, a real
trophy one", "so he raises his gun and pretends to
pull the trigger".
"Suddenly two shots rang out and the beaver fell over
dead, WHAT do you think of that"??
Friend
" I'd say someone else pumped a couple of rounds into
that beaver"
Doc
"My Point exactly".
Cheers for now
Love to all
Toronto Pip.
Next week I talk All Black selections and the Kyoto
protocol, won't that be exciting.
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