Bro and Broess in Town: October 18 2005

Hi to all,




Paint me red and call me rusty, all the girls are big

and busty. I'm back, for this I apologise?



I know you won't believe me but "Toronto Pip" actually

had writers block [yes I can here you all say its a

shame his oral orifice didn't suffer the same]. I have

tried a few times but to no avail! And my Trusty [or

should that be musty] side kick Mississauga Juju was

of no help either.

So warning to all, I'm back and I have allot to say,

some of it personal some not, so it could be a novel.

Get a coffee and chocolate biscuit, sit back and

enjoy.



Chapter One:

"Outlaw Paul & Moira" leave for NZ.



Anyway, "Outlaw Paul & Moira" left for home, there

were tears [and that was just me, see next sentence].

It was truly sad to see them go, it was fantastic to

have them here and their generosity towards us was

bloody fantastic [hence my tears]. It took me a full

day to stop Mississauga Juju from leaking [she needs

to cut back on the beer, I was lead to believe that

girls retained water]?. She really enjoyed having her

parents here, and their travelling together around

Canada will be a memory we will have forever. I only

hope "Outlaw Paul & Moira" survive the opening of

their Visa bill, so that they enjoy this memory also.

To be honest we could not have done it with out them.

So "Outlaw Moira & Paul" a huge thanks from Toronto

Pip".



Chapter Two:

"Bro Matt" [It was a birthday visit]& "Sis-outlaw

Linda" turn up.



After seeing "Outlaw Paul & Moira" off on Thursday

lunch time, Toronto Pip & Mississauga Juju only just

had time to finish dinner and I was back to the

airport Friday morning to pick up "Bro & Outlaw-Sis"

It was a short 4 night, 5 day whirl wind tour of

alcohol, food & women, [I mean drinking, eating, &

some sight seeing].

Friday up the Manu-life building to the 53rd floor bar

that gives you a bloody fantastic view of Toronto. We

scored with a clear night however the cold wind did

its best to spoil the event. After this we went to

"Hemingway's" the Kiwi owned bar, that we frequent,

"Bro & Outlaw-sis" meet the owner Marty who although

has a pony tail is a bloody fantastic bloke. He stayed

for a chat and then kindly shouted a few quiet ones.



Saturday morning cruised and went to famous St Laurent

food market. In the afternoon "Bro" shouted us all to

"the ball game" [baseball] and we watched the Toronto

Blue Jays play the Kansas City Royals. It was the

second to last game of the season, however it didn't

lack any atmosphere. We did the normal things, beer

drinking, peanut eating and shell spitting as well as

the "staple" hot-dog eating. After this it was off to

a small establishment that has 179 beers on the menu.

I have made it up #42 so far [Not in one sitting, that

would be stupid]. I believe Mum & Dad had a hand in

the financing of a few quiet ones here. I did you

proud mum & dad I paced myself and only had 8 pints

instead of my normal 10. Makes all the girls beautiful

then eh?



Sunday we went to Niagara Falls and did the tourist

bit, Bro and Sis-outlaw-law enjoyed this and I have to

say it doesn't matter how many times you see it [not

to boast but I have been to Niagara falls 10 times] it

is still a great sight. Then down to the town of

Niagara on the Lake. We had a picnic by the lake, and

did a couple of vineyards, then back to Toronto for

more food and alcohol.



Monday, shopping was the order of the day and some

other touristy things, and then a home meal with my

new world famous meatballs and sauce. You have to try

it to believe it [come on up its worth it].



Tuesday another trip to the airport and more leaking.

For the next week Ju and I sat stunned and in silence

[hard for me] wondering what the hell had just

happened. Back to our Toronto life and missing

everybody madly.

Send donations to "Save Toronto Pip" fund, C/o TD

Canada Trust Bank, Toronto, reference Toronto Pip, all

donations gratefully accepted and are tax deductible,

[at my end not yours], he he.



Chapter Three:

"Life goes on"



USA, I have managed to steer clear of bullet proof

vest and hand gun country [Detroit] but next couple of

weeks I will have to venture forth with trepidation.

Then down to Toledo.Ohio where it looks like I will

need to keep the vest handy also. Then across to

Cleveland.Ohio, fly to Chicago.Illinois, Buffalo.New

York, as they all need visiting as well. At least they

are great places to be.



Canada I also will be visiting Ottawa, Montreal,

Calgary & Vancouver so will be flat out until Xmas.

Only have six weeks as after that snow and crap

weather makes travelling a bit tricky.



We have just had Thanks Giving which was great [and

before you smart ones jump up and down, Canada has it

a month earlier than USA]. Juju made her first pumpkin

pie which they have as a desert. It kind of sounds

bizarre but it works. You have it with whipped cream &

ice-cream. [I have sent you all a piece, so beware the

squishy mail, ha-ha]



The city is building up for Xmas, all the street

lights are being wrapped in fairy lights [which has

got all the gay boys excited, with fairy lights and

all].



Still we have to get through Halloween first, bloody

hell you have never seen anything like it, the effort

that allot of families and apartments go to are

unbelievable. Ghosts, skeletons and jack-o-lanterns

everywhere up in trees on balconies suspended in

mid-air and all. And I have never seen so many huge

pumpkins in all my life.



Anyway enough about all that. I have been doing my

best to keep the world together and in harmony,

[albeit with mother nature doing her best to stuff it

right back up us], all though at times my patients

has been stretched. I thought Canada was English

French speaking, yet I still get asked on a daily

basis to repeat myself. I even had a rag-head taxi

driver the other ask me to speak English, I nearly hit

him. I gave him my best prolonged diatribe of most

excellent orating I could muster, including swear

words in my best English. He unfortunately thought I

had gone mad and was going to kill him so he called

the police. So this next little bit is from me to you

about him.



Its called fucking "Towel Heads".

I received a warning [from the police] about the use

of this politically incorrect term.

We need to be more sensitive in our choice of words

they say.

They informed me that the Islams [terrorists, who hate

our cuts and want to kill us],

Do Not like to be called "Towel Heads".

Since the item they wear on their heads is not a

towel, but in fact, a small folded sheet.

So therefore, from this point forward, please refer to

them as "LITTLE SHEET HEADS"



Also.

I boarded a flight carrying two dead raccoons

[I wanted to make a Daniel Boon Hat]

and the stewardess said "I'm sorry sir only one

carrion allowed per customer"



Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one turns to the

other and says "dam".



Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.



So long for now, I hope you enjoyed.

Love to all,

Toronto Pip.