Feb 2007

Its damn cold up here!

Cummuting to NYC and other contentious places: January 25 2007

Kia ora to all back home in NZ,




It is I Toronto Pip, no I mean NYPD (New York Pip

Dept), oh I have no idea who I am.

Currently I am commuting to New York every week from

Toronto. So it is down on Monday morn & back Friday

evening, as you can guess the "banshee" is not overly

happy with these arrangements... I can assure you it

is not such a great arrangement for me either...not

enough jiggy jiggy.



Here is last weeks flying adventure...

Limo picks me up at 4am (yes limo, or town car as they

call them up here) the early hour due to the fact that

it is an international flight. Check in, no luggage

only carry on. Sit in seat at 6.15am, taxi out while

looking at snow storm dumping about 6 inches of snow

on the wing??? We de-ice which takes about 15 Min's,

then taxi to take off, pilot not happy so back to

gate...Back out to de-ice at 7.45am, this time there

is a queue, wait another 30Min's...De-ice and taxi to

join a 20min queue...Pilot announces that flight has

been cancelled due to ice rain and the plane is not

rated for flying in ice-rain. In many ways this is

rather comforting...We de-plane & there is the normal

stampede to the gate to re-book. We seasoned

traveller's stay in our seats and hit the Continental

re-dial button and re-book on the 10.30 flight with

which we are told to go to gate 9 to collect boarding

passes, 75 people do not go into 40 seats. Stroll up

to the gate and wait patiently at back of queue. They

announce that flight is full, however could Pip Wood ,

John Smith etc etc please come and collect their

boarding passes. The looks we get are hostile to say

the least...Finally we take off...have 25Min's of

horrendous turbulence and arrive in Newark at 2.14pm.

Friday, limo picks me up at 5.15pm to drive to

airport, big queues as it is Friday, 8.15pm flight

back to Toronto...it starts to snow horizontally...we

board as per usual and push back on time at 8pm...taxi

out to be de-iced, with pilot saying we are on time

and will be taking off shortly after this

process...then announces that we are 39th in the

queue...2 hrs later we de-ice...taxi...and take

off...arrive in Toronto at 12.30am Sat...oh the joys

of living the life of an international business

person.

This week I chose to travel to Washington DC where I

had 2 important meetings. One was with the govt

contract dept...once you get in here and are on the

list...it means every project that is a govt funded

one...your product is specified automatically.

The next meeting was at the FBI headquarters in

DC...of course I was there on the day that George Baby

was having his State of The Nation speech...everybody

in law enforcement was on high alert...we were

visiting a very high tech area that was

CLASSIFIED...our product has been installed because of

its anti-static qualities...it was an experience...we

were x-rayed twice (this only showed up my hand

gun)...patted down twice (I pretend to enjoy that a

little to much)...no cell phones or any electronic

devices (what I can't use my spy camera in here)...I

tried to get on one of the computers to see what dirt

they had on me but alas I failed...as soon as you move

from where you are supposed to be someone in a blue

suit appears from no where...I wasn't even able to

keep my FBI visitors pass...When we left the building

I couldn't help but say "he's got a gun" loudly just

to get a reaction... apparently they don't fall for

that one anymore...

I was deposited on the pavement by two guys in blue

suits...what is it with the FBI and blue suits...



Oh god it's Super Bowl in a few weeks...I had to endue

a semi-final the other night...what a stupid game...it

takes 3 hrs to play a game of 4 x 20min

quarters...There was a game of rugby also playing but

trying to explain how real men play sport to this lot

is a waste of time...when the rugby game had finished

they were just finishing the 2nd quarter???



"The She Devil" is of to Paris next week...poor her

eh...we have a friend Robert who takes an apartment

there every year so she can stay for free...his boy

friend (hence Julie going to stay in Paris with our

friend Robert) Gerard is a fantastic & becoming well

known artist...so it gets me out of having to go there

and look at museum's/art galleries & old

buildings...all I want to do is chase French Skirt

(probably why I haven't been invited)...so she can

titter around look at art and fashion with two guys

who understand tittering about looking at art and

fashion...

Montreal (soon to be Manhattan) McGregor will have

some quality time with his dad...when I come down here

to NY he will have to join me...



That's all for now...I will be back soon as I have a

few more tales to tell...

NYPD Pip

Over and out.

Christmas Cheer from the City of Queens and Queers! December 21 2006

MERRY CHRISTMAS,


WELCOME TO A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

of

TORONTO PIP "THE WEEK THAT WAS" WHICH IS NOW "THE WEEKS THAT WERE".

My latest jejune missive is a whimsical update on Toronto Pip, his trusty side-kick Mississauga Juju and the ever present babe magnet Montreal McGregor. I am a bit tender at present being the time of year so I don't want negative responses questioning the banality of its contents only being surpassed by the egregious form of my writing. [I really must get of the pills, but god bless America and valium sold over the counter].

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas as Bing once said, we'll it would be nice, here I was all set up for skiing on Christmas day and bloody Al Gore goes and does some bloody doco on global warming and f... me if there is no snow in Toronto or greater area. First time in 20 years, and on my bloody watch. [I blame NZ and all the hot air from parliament and of course the sheep & cattle farting]. What a load of s... it has nothing to do with any of that.



So quite frankly I am completely pissed off and am telling everyone who cares to listen. I think a big night on the truth serum is in order.



Not all is lost though as Ju & I have decided to bail from Canada & head to Vermont (Jay Peak) to carve up the mountain as they actually have snow. So we are going to spend 5 days from 26th though 31st. Then we will head to Montreal for New Years and have our dose of the old François? Back to Toronto for some celebrity parties, and a few farewells.

Farwell's I here you say, yes on Jan 15th I set up my New York office, pledge allegiance to the flag & vote republican. No more dealing with conservative Canadians. Ju, Mac & belongings will follow soon after once we find our NY apartment, of course "she who must be obeyed" has requirements, the list is a view of NY skyline, a view of the Hudson river or Central Park, 2 bedrooms (his & hers) a gym & pool. Personally she will be lucky if we don't end up with a no bedroom basement with a view of the local Chinese restaurants dumpster, and the subway going past the window every 1/2 hour. But all good and we are looking forward to the next stage of Toronto Pip, Mississauga Juju & Montreal McGregor’s new adventures in the US of A. Think of the "weeks that were" and stories we will have once there, oh I bet you can't wait. The New York names may be "Jersey Juju", "Manhattan McGregor" "Yonkers Pip" , so stay tuned.



The end of year has been busy with travel etc; I have been doing many day trips to NY which has been quite taxing mentally & physically. Plus the usual Detroit, Salt Lake, Chicago, Cleveland, Buffalo etc so a wee break is going to be fantastic.



I am going to leave it there as you are all obviously so busy that you have forgotten to email me with a Merry Christmas.

Remember to sing along to such songs as

I'm dreaming of a nice mistress

Frosty the Snow Man just melted on the lawn

All I want for Christmas is darn good shag

Grandma got run over by a dairy cow

I saw mummy blowing Santa balloons

Rudolf the Brown Nose Reindeer

Winter Wonder-if-it-will Bloody Snow Soon

&

I'll Be Home for Christmas (but not this year)



Be safe, be kind, be good, be healthy, be having a toast in our absence.

We will be thinking of you all.

Much Love

TORONTO PIP, MISSISSAUGA JUJU & MONTREAL McGREGOR.

Old Relics and New Rellies November 23-24 2006 in Quebec

Rellies and Relics in Quebec.

Our trip to Quebec to discover Dad's grandmothers home.

As we drove out of Toronto into the early afternoon traffic, my slightly injured and suffering husband turned to me and asked...remind me just why we are doing this again?... How could I make sense of my desire to discover the grave of one of my fathers great great grandfathers, and to walk on the land my own great grandmother had as a child. So I muttered something about 'just needing to' and 'I'll never get another opportunity to do this' and stuff like that. Eight hours later we pulled off the highway and drove down the charming streets of Old Quebec then stumbled around the streets searching for our Hotel...enroute and of course we came upon the Montmerency falls lit up in all their pale and rushing glory under a starry sky with the lights of Quebec twinkling back along the river. Pip commented that he'd had no idea Qubec was going to be sooo big!!

Finally after a few lovingly heated words we checked into out thankfully dog friendly hotel in Beauport, polished off a small bottle of Baileys and hit the hay.

Evan's home on the Isle

By 9 we were on the road to distant cousin Evan Price's country place on Isle d'Orleans. By some weird and friendly twist of fate Evan , his wife and kids and Evan's mother Muffy Price own one hundred hectares of what would have been in the mid 1800's my great grandmothers family farm....the Plante familystill live all around this property and one Plante cousin Jean-Pierre runs the farm and has been associated with the Price family for 40 years.
.

Jean Pierre Plante and Julie Wood (nee Phillips), Plante land on Isle d'Orleans,

It was amazing to finally be were this lady who has lately come to be very real to me as I have tried to piece together part of her life story.

Clara Plante was baptised at St Laurent ville in 1868, the little church has gone now, replace by a shiny new stone edifice but luckily photos of the old church still remain.

Church where Clara Plante was baptised in St Laurent in the Isle.

We drank a little wine after the farm visit with Muffy in her wonderful old stone house that looks down to the river, Mac played with her little dog so was not left out of this adventure.

.

Then we headed to town for a trip to Mt Hermon cemetery where after one false start I found the Phillips plot and the graves of William and Henrietta Phillips.

Jancis Robinson at the Barberian Cellar: Friday December 1 2006

:Barberian Steak House at 7 Elm Street Toronto
Red Wine Cellar

Just had boozy evening at gorgeous cellar under Barberians Steak House. The Cookbook store hosted celebrated British wine writer and critic Jancis Robinson at an intimate wine tasting for a select group of lucky imbibers. Aaron Barberian's cellar is stunning, Jancis proclaimed it to be one of the top restaurant cellars she'd ever been in. Being a good Kiwi girl I circulated through the crowd talking up New Zealand wines other than Sav Blanc which I'm not at all fond of...its time the rest of the world noticed our Rieslings and Pinot Gris and gorgeous Pinot Noir's.
Jancis gave us a run down on the vagaries of the weather during these months and briefly commented on climate change and its effect on wines.. Germany, she said, is one area that has benefited from warmer sunnier summers. She touched on the emerging vineyards in Spain, gave us a quick insight into what was happening in China and even mentioned the word fake and wine in same breath. EEk. She didn't want to be drawn into a discussion regarding corks versus screw caps but suggested that somewhere a clever designer must come up something more inspiring. I think I detected a passion for things red and French. Earlier in the day Jancis lunched with an elite group including Alison Fryer of the Cookbook store and they opened a bottle of 1951 Chateau Palmer...Alison declared it to be even better than the 1951 Latour...Jancis commented on national radio just an hour after lunch that it was the last great wine she'd tasted.

I on the other hand, not quite in that league... had a taste of a fab Bulgarian Tokay the day before at Barberians that will appear on the wine list soon. It was delish.


Julie Wood, Alison, Aaron, Jancis and Jennifer Grange of the Cookbook Store

Just a short one to keep you interested: Nov 23 2006

Welcome All,


Another week, another adventure.

It can only mean Toronto Pip & his "The Week That Was" with more exciting escapades.



This Week I bought a factory, spent a day in Deroit, another in Buffalo got grilled at the boarder by US immigration, secured the biggest bus manufactuer in North America as a customer & still manged to beat my opponent in the "gay pool league". No wonder I am a tired whisp of a thing these days.



Mississauga Factory:

On Monday I finalised an arrangement to buy a factory that produces flooring accessories, [cove base, stair-nosings etc]. It has been an interesting process to say the least. I have learnt alot about Canadian law, Revenue Canada etc. But the biggest leason of all was from the owner of the company, on how you can completely screw a 60 year old company by not being attentive. They are filling for Chapter 11 [creditors cannot go after you]. Once this has been done we move in and the rest is history. The factory has one customer that alone could keep it operating. So adding our own business alone means it is a no brain-er that it will work.



Detroit:

Yes back in my favourite city, actually I have worked out if I saty downtown it is actually quite quaint with some rather beautiful buildings. We have final approval



Imagine being if I had been beaten by a woman, well at least I think it was a women, yes I think she was one of those lesbeein's. Even in this area there is soo much to learn. You see there are all types, you are not just a lesbian, there are "Lipstick", "Bi", "Dyke" & my favourite "swing both ways".

Boston, Salt Lake, Arizona and the Gay Pool League: November 20 2006

Hi all in Kiwiland


Welcome to another installation of "the weeks that were". The exciting adventures of Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor? [Mississauga Juju absent in NZ, for first half of “the weeks that were”].

This instalment consists of business trips, bars, restaurants, police, special forces/swat, rabbis, Mormon's, planes, trains & automobiles, snow, “the gay pool league” & a dislocated shoulder.



Boston: Police, Rabbis, special forces/swat

Arrive in Boston to meet with rep, as per usual the flight is fine, however Boston airport is literally surrounded by the coast so it makes for bumpy, exciting crab like landings just about every occasion. Am picked up by rep and we decide to make the Hyatt Hotel our base as it looks back across the bay to downtown Boston. I explain to the waitress that we will be here for breakfast, lunch & quite possibly dinner as well. After 2.5 hrs we were approached by two policeman wearing jodhpurs, mirror glasses & an attitude [quite common in the states,] I had noticed they were hovering around the hotel which I did think was a bit strange. They enquire as to why we are staying in the restaurant & not moving, my normal witty repartee goes down like a lead balloon in a howling gale (must be the attitude), I asked if the mirror glasses could be removed and a few tense moments later as our fingers twitched on our respective hand guns, the situation is explained and we are free to stay where we are. Some big wig Rabi from Israel was in Boston talking to all the orthodox Jews of the US of A. He declined an audience with Toronto Pip who tried to explain that he has some fine ideas on all things Jewish & that I could organise some holy land in NZ if necessary. All Kosher I said & Shalom to you too.

Next thing we know there was this commotion out side and on the water, I turned to see what was going on and came face to face with a helicopter hovering about 30' from the water, commando's hanging out the side and its rocket launchers and machine guns pointing suspiciously in our direction. There were 5 of these choppers all around the harbour with police boats, coastguard cutters and all sorts going on. Every civilian boat was being boarded and the helicopters were flying over and down in front of those that got to close. TO CLOSE TO WHAT I HERE YOU SAY, all this security was for the delivery of a liquid nitrogen tanker, which apparently is just a floating bomb waiting to happen and would vaporise 2 sq.km. if it went up, and the Americans take this homeland security very seriously you know.

To end this eventful day I went to Cheers Bar which is still in its original place in Boston. I can now officially say I have had a beer at Cheers, disappointing however when I walked in no one called out my name, so is it really the bar were everybody knows your name???



Salt Lake: Mormons, Planes:

Across to Salt Lake City (another plane and of course no direct flight, so it’s Toronto, Detroit, Minnesota, Salt Lake oh the joy of it all) to visit a new OEM customer that I have just got back on board. They produce Jet-Ways for America and world wide. The tentacles that you walk down to the plane on. I arrive in Salt Lake airport to be picked up by a company rep who was mysteriously wearing a uniform? Mr Wood he enquires, yes please follows me. We walk back out onto the tarmac to a waiting private jet. Now I am no idiot and had done my homework and knew that their offices are only 40 miles north of Salt Lake City? Why the plane. It is just me and him so I ask if I can take the co-pilot seat and promised not to push too many buttons. So I say flying time 10 min’s, Yea normally he reply’s but lets take a joy ride over to some place called the Rockies and then back to the office, yea haa?? Meeting goes well and on the return journey the jet was occupied so it was back in the helicopter. Cool thing was is it was a refurbished Bell 47 the same they used in M.A.S.H, very breezy and a bit hairy as you are totally exposed and open, which made they 0 degrees and recent snow all the more exciting.

Briefly looked into the Mormon way of life and came to the conclusion that one wife was headache enough, so why add more. And apart from multiple wife’s it does not have much else to entice me.

Onto my next flight with temperatures just below 0 to fly to Arizona where temperatures were in high 20’s, realise quite quickly that the overcoat, jersey and long johns were not really required and boy I wish I had my golf clubs.



Arizona: Car's, Bars, Planes & Pains (bloody shoulder).

Get to around 11.30am to find that my flight has been cancelled and the next one is not until 11.45pm, oh the joy of it all. So decide to get a rental car to explore Phoenix. I manage to beat Alamo down to $28 for 10 hours, which is not bad. Get my key and am told car is in row 1232 lot 789. Get to this spot after a 15 walk to find a very strange looking vehicle in the slot I have been designated. A Cadillac Escalade, which to those of little car knowledge is an enormous 4 wheel drive that seats about 20 people has 5 TV screens, a microwave, and a blow up doll called Monica (think about it). All this was true up to the microwave. I thought to myself this is ridiculas, I am one person just wanting to have a look around. I head back to the kiosk, "is there a problem" well yes, it just me and at $28 dollars it is a good deal, but I have just driven 1km and already used 1/4 of a tank of gas. Can I have a small car please? So they give me a Chrysler Crossfire, I think great, here I am in Phoenix Arizona for only 8 to 10 hours and they give a convertible chick magnet. All the luck. Have a bit of a look around then back to airport. Straight to the bar, get chatting with all sorts of people, balr blar. Onto the plane for the overnight to Detroit, pilot takes her up to 44,000 feet and hits the high winds up there and peels 1 hour of the flight time. We get our wake up call at 4.30 instead of 5.30. Wake up in agony, right shoulder feeling like it was broken, free it up a bit but pain is quite bad. Change vehicles and head for Toronto.



Toronto: Dislocated Shoulder, Gay Pool League.

Get through the weekend on pain killers and alcohol, when mixed correctly can be quite fun. Go to A&E to find that shoulder is partially dislocated, cool. Dr puts it back in and frankly I would have preferred the pain I was already in, he asks me what the hell I have been doing and all I could come up with was Monica the blow up doll. The down side is that I have quite bad tendon & muscle damage and it has been three weeks with no real improvement and my shoulder droops down noticeably as age gets to me so do other things as well? Some days I have nearly chopped the bloody thing off, my arm that is?

I have joined a pool team and we play in a league of 82 teams of 4 people. Currently we are in 7th place. I am the only straight bloke in the whole league. It is Monday nights and has been hilarious to say the least. Our team is called Cell Bloke Wardens, others have names that are not printable, one that comes to mind is "bum love" & then there is the "bandits" the "botty boys" etc. I want to name a couple of teams after a recent archological discovery, where some scientists have uncovered gay dinosaus. The male is called megasorass and the female lickalotapuss. I have put these names into the hat but no one has taken them up.



Mississauga Juju returns from Aoteoroa (bugger):

Juju arrives home from NZ, all is good and she had a great time as some of you are aware. So life back to normal. Well as normal as it can be while being married to me. Mac & I keep our distance for a few days just to make sure tolerance levels are within normal female range. I obviously weakened by pain killers pushed a bit hard on day three and things really got back to normal as I am given a good talking too, I make things worse by saying that I have been naughty and should be spanked.



Apart from that all is well, winter on the way temperatures below 5 and we are getting small snow flurries, so bring on the snow I say.

Next week in Detroit, then Thur/Fri is Thanks Giving. Following week Chicago, Wisconson & Minisotta.



So cheers to all,

Toronto Pip