Welcome All,
Another week, another adventure.
It can only mean Toronto Pip & his "The Week That Was" with more exciting escapades.
This Week I bought a factory, spent a day in Deroit, another in Buffalo got grilled at the boarder by US immigration, secured the biggest bus manufactuer in North America as a customer & still manged to beat my opponent in the "gay pool league". No wonder I am a tired whisp of a thing these days.
Mississauga Factory:
On Monday I finalised an arrangement to buy a factory that produces flooring accessories, [cove base, stair-nosings etc]. It has been an interesting process to say the least. I have learnt alot about Canadian law, Revenue Canada etc. But the biggest leason of all was from the owner of the company, on how you can completely screw a 60 year old company by not being attentive. They are filling for Chapter 11 [creditors cannot go after you]. Once this has been done we move in and the rest is history. The factory has one customer that alone could keep it operating. So adding our own business alone means it is a no brain-er that it will work.
Detroit:
Yes back in my favourite city, actually I have worked out if I saty downtown it is actually quite quaint with some rather beautiful buildings. We have final approval
Imagine being if I had been beaten by a woman, well at least I think it was a women, yes I think she was one of those lesbeein's. Even in this area there is soo much to learn. You see there are all types, you are not just a lesbian, there are "Lipstick", "Bi", "Dyke" & my favourite "swing both ways".
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Boston, Salt Lake, Arizona and the Gay Pool League: November 20 2006
Hi all in Kiwiland
Welcome to another installation of "the weeks that were". The exciting adventures of Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor? [Mississauga Juju absent in NZ, for first half of “the weeks that were”].
This instalment consists of business trips, bars, restaurants, police, special forces/swat, rabbis, Mormon's, planes, trains & automobiles, snow, “the gay pool league” & a dislocated shoulder.
Boston: Police, Rabbis, special forces/swat
Arrive in Boston to meet with rep, as per usual the flight is fine, however Boston airport is literally surrounded by the coast so it makes for bumpy, exciting crab like landings just about every occasion. Am picked up by rep and we decide to make the Hyatt Hotel our base as it looks back across the bay to downtown Boston. I explain to the waitress that we will be here for breakfast, lunch & quite possibly dinner as well. After 2.5 hrs we were approached by two policeman wearing jodhpurs, mirror glasses & an attitude [quite common in the states,] I had noticed they were hovering around the hotel which I did think was a bit strange. They enquire as to why we are staying in the restaurant & not moving, my normal witty repartee goes down like a lead balloon in a howling gale (must be the attitude), I asked if the mirror glasses could be removed and a few tense moments later as our fingers twitched on our respective hand guns, the situation is explained and we are free to stay where we are. Some big wig Rabi from Israel was in Boston talking to all the orthodox Jews of the US of A. He declined an audience with Toronto Pip who tried to explain that he has some fine ideas on all things Jewish & that I could organise some holy land in NZ if necessary. All Kosher I said & Shalom to you too.
Next thing we know there was this commotion out side and on the water, I turned to see what was going on and came face to face with a helicopter hovering about 30' from the water, commando's hanging out the side and its rocket launchers and machine guns pointing suspiciously in our direction. There were 5 of these choppers all around the harbour with police boats, coastguard cutters and all sorts going on. Every civilian boat was being boarded and the helicopters were flying over and down in front of those that got to close. TO CLOSE TO WHAT I HERE YOU SAY, all this security was for the delivery of a liquid nitrogen tanker, which apparently is just a floating bomb waiting to happen and would vaporise 2 sq.km. if it went up, and the Americans take this homeland security very seriously you know.
To end this eventful day I went to Cheers Bar which is still in its original place in Boston. I can now officially say I have had a beer at Cheers, disappointing however when I walked in no one called out my name, so is it really the bar were everybody knows your name???
Salt Lake: Mormons, Planes:
Across to Salt Lake City (another plane and of course no direct flight, so it’s Toronto, Detroit, Minnesota, Salt Lake oh the joy of it all) to visit a new OEM customer that I have just got back on board. They produce Jet-Ways for America and world wide. The tentacles that you walk down to the plane on. I arrive in Salt Lake airport to be picked up by a company rep who was mysteriously wearing a uniform? Mr Wood he enquires, yes please follows me. We walk back out onto the tarmac to a waiting private jet. Now I am no idiot and had done my homework and knew that their offices are only 40 miles north of Salt Lake City? Why the plane. It is just me and him so I ask if I can take the co-pilot seat and promised not to push too many buttons. So I say flying time 10 min’s, Yea normally he reply’s but lets take a joy ride over to some place called the Rockies and then back to the office, yea haa?? Meeting goes well and on the return journey the jet was occupied so it was back in the helicopter. Cool thing was is it was a refurbished Bell 47 the same they used in M.A.S.H, very breezy and a bit hairy as you are totally exposed and open, which made they 0 degrees and recent snow all the more exciting.
Briefly looked into the Mormon way of life and came to the conclusion that one wife was headache enough, so why add more. And apart from multiple wife’s it does not have much else to entice me.
Onto my next flight with temperatures just below 0 to fly to Arizona where temperatures were in high 20’s, realise quite quickly that the overcoat, jersey and long johns were not really required and boy I wish I had my golf clubs.
Arizona: Car's, Bars, Planes & Pains (bloody shoulder).
Get to around 11.30am to find that my flight has been cancelled and the next one is not until 11.45pm, oh the joy of it all. So decide to get a rental car to explore Phoenix. I manage to beat Alamo down to $28 for 10 hours, which is not bad. Get my key and am told car is in row 1232 lot 789. Get to this spot after a 15 walk to find a very strange looking vehicle in the slot I have been designated. A Cadillac Escalade, which to those of little car knowledge is an enormous 4 wheel drive that seats about 20 people has 5 TV screens, a microwave, and a blow up doll called Monica (think about it). All this was true up to the microwave. I thought to myself this is ridiculas, I am one person just wanting to have a look around. I head back to the kiosk, "is there a problem" well yes, it just me and at $28 dollars it is a good deal, but I have just driven 1km and already used 1/4 of a tank of gas. Can I have a small car please? So they give me a Chrysler Crossfire, I think great, here I am in Phoenix Arizona for only 8 to 10 hours and they give a convertible chick magnet. All the luck. Have a bit of a look around then back to airport. Straight to the bar, get chatting with all sorts of people, balr blar. Onto the plane for the overnight to Detroit, pilot takes her up to 44,000 feet and hits the high winds up there and peels 1 hour of the flight time. We get our wake up call at 4.30 instead of 5.30. Wake up in agony, right shoulder feeling like it was broken, free it up a bit but pain is quite bad. Change vehicles and head for Toronto.
Toronto: Dislocated Shoulder, Gay Pool League.
Get through the weekend on pain killers and alcohol, when mixed correctly can be quite fun. Go to A&E to find that shoulder is partially dislocated, cool. Dr puts it back in and frankly I would have preferred the pain I was already in, he asks me what the hell I have been doing and all I could come up with was Monica the blow up doll. The down side is that I have quite bad tendon & muscle damage and it has been three weeks with no real improvement and my shoulder droops down noticeably as age gets to me so do other things as well? Some days I have nearly chopped the bloody thing off, my arm that is?
I have joined a pool team and we play in a league of 82 teams of 4 people. Currently we are in 7th place. I am the only straight bloke in the whole league. It is Monday nights and has been hilarious to say the least. Our team is called Cell Bloke Wardens, others have names that are not printable, one that comes to mind is "bum love" & then there is the "bandits" the "botty boys" etc. I want to name a couple of teams after a recent archological discovery, where some scientists have uncovered gay dinosaus. The male is called megasorass and the female lickalotapuss. I have put these names into the hat but no one has taken them up.
Mississauga Juju returns from Aoteoroa (bugger):
Juju arrives home from NZ, all is good and she had a great time as some of you are aware. So life back to normal. Well as normal as it can be while being married to me. Mac & I keep our distance for a few days just to make sure tolerance levels are within normal female range. I obviously weakened by pain killers pushed a bit hard on day three and things really got back to normal as I am given a good talking too, I make things worse by saying that I have been naughty and should be spanked.
Apart from that all is well, winter on the way temperatures below 5 and we are getting small snow flurries, so bring on the snow I say.
Next week in Detroit, then Thur/Fri is Thanks Giving. Following week Chicago, Wisconson & Minisotta.
So cheers to all,
Toronto Pip
Welcome to another installation of "the weeks that were". The exciting adventures of Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor? [Mississauga Juju absent in NZ, for first half of “the weeks that were”].
This instalment consists of business trips, bars, restaurants, police, special forces/swat, rabbis, Mormon's, planes, trains & automobiles, snow, “the gay pool league” & a dislocated shoulder.
Boston: Police, Rabbis, special forces/swat
Arrive in Boston to meet with rep, as per usual the flight is fine, however Boston airport is literally surrounded by the coast so it makes for bumpy, exciting crab like landings just about every occasion. Am picked up by rep and we decide to make the Hyatt Hotel our base as it looks back across the bay to downtown Boston. I explain to the waitress that we will be here for breakfast, lunch & quite possibly dinner as well. After 2.5 hrs we were approached by two policeman wearing jodhpurs, mirror glasses & an attitude [quite common in the states,] I had noticed they were hovering around the hotel which I did think was a bit strange. They enquire as to why we are staying in the restaurant & not moving, my normal witty repartee goes down like a lead balloon in a howling gale (must be the attitude), I asked if the mirror glasses could be removed and a few tense moments later as our fingers twitched on our respective hand guns, the situation is explained and we are free to stay where we are. Some big wig Rabi from Israel was in Boston talking to all the orthodox Jews of the US of A. He declined an audience with Toronto Pip who tried to explain that he has some fine ideas on all things Jewish & that I could organise some holy land in NZ if necessary. All Kosher I said & Shalom to you too.
Next thing we know there was this commotion out side and on the water, I turned to see what was going on and came face to face with a helicopter hovering about 30' from the water, commando's hanging out the side and its rocket launchers and machine guns pointing suspiciously in our direction. There were 5 of these choppers all around the harbour with police boats, coastguard cutters and all sorts going on. Every civilian boat was being boarded and the helicopters were flying over and down in front of those that got to close. TO CLOSE TO WHAT I HERE YOU SAY, all this security was for the delivery of a liquid nitrogen tanker, which apparently is just a floating bomb waiting to happen and would vaporise 2 sq.km. if it went up, and the Americans take this homeland security very seriously you know.
To end this eventful day I went to Cheers Bar which is still in its original place in Boston. I can now officially say I have had a beer at Cheers, disappointing however when I walked in no one called out my name, so is it really the bar were everybody knows your name???
Salt Lake: Mormons, Planes:
Across to Salt Lake City (another plane and of course no direct flight, so it’s Toronto, Detroit, Minnesota, Salt Lake oh the joy of it all) to visit a new OEM customer that I have just got back on board. They produce Jet-Ways for America and world wide. The tentacles that you walk down to the plane on. I arrive in Salt Lake airport to be picked up by a company rep who was mysteriously wearing a uniform? Mr Wood he enquires, yes please follows me. We walk back out onto the tarmac to a waiting private jet. Now I am no idiot and had done my homework and knew that their offices are only 40 miles north of Salt Lake City? Why the plane. It is just me and him so I ask if I can take the co-pilot seat and promised not to push too many buttons. So I say flying time 10 min’s, Yea normally he reply’s but lets take a joy ride over to some place called the Rockies and then back to the office, yea haa?? Meeting goes well and on the return journey the jet was occupied so it was back in the helicopter. Cool thing was is it was a refurbished Bell 47 the same they used in M.A.S.H, very breezy and a bit hairy as you are totally exposed and open, which made they 0 degrees and recent snow all the more exciting.
Briefly looked into the Mormon way of life and came to the conclusion that one wife was headache enough, so why add more. And apart from multiple wife’s it does not have much else to entice me.
Onto my next flight with temperatures just below 0 to fly to Arizona where temperatures were in high 20’s, realise quite quickly that the overcoat, jersey and long johns were not really required and boy I wish I had my golf clubs.
Arizona: Car's, Bars, Planes & Pains (bloody shoulder).
Get to around 11.30am to find that my flight has been cancelled and the next one is not until 11.45pm, oh the joy of it all. So decide to get a rental car to explore Phoenix. I manage to beat Alamo down to $28 for 10 hours, which is not bad. Get my key and am told car is in row 1232 lot 789. Get to this spot after a 15 walk to find a very strange looking vehicle in the slot I have been designated. A Cadillac Escalade, which to those of little car knowledge is an enormous 4 wheel drive that seats about 20 people has 5 TV screens, a microwave, and a blow up doll called Monica (think about it). All this was true up to the microwave. I thought to myself this is ridiculas, I am one person just wanting to have a look around. I head back to the kiosk, "is there a problem" well yes, it just me and at $28 dollars it is a good deal, but I have just driven 1km and already used 1/4 of a tank of gas. Can I have a small car please? So they give me a Chrysler Crossfire, I think great, here I am in Phoenix Arizona for only 8 to 10 hours and they give a convertible chick magnet. All the luck. Have a bit of a look around then back to airport. Straight to the bar, get chatting with all sorts of people, balr blar. Onto the plane for the overnight to Detroit, pilot takes her up to 44,000 feet and hits the high winds up there and peels 1 hour of the flight time. We get our wake up call at 4.30 instead of 5.30. Wake up in agony, right shoulder feeling like it was broken, free it up a bit but pain is quite bad. Change vehicles and head for Toronto.
Toronto: Dislocated Shoulder, Gay Pool League.
Get through the weekend on pain killers and alcohol, when mixed correctly can be quite fun. Go to A&E to find that shoulder is partially dislocated, cool. Dr puts it back in and frankly I would have preferred the pain I was already in, he asks me what the hell I have been doing and all I could come up with was Monica the blow up doll. The down side is that I have quite bad tendon & muscle damage and it has been three weeks with no real improvement and my shoulder droops down noticeably as age gets to me so do other things as well? Some days I have nearly chopped the bloody thing off, my arm that is?
I have joined a pool team and we play in a league of 82 teams of 4 people. Currently we are in 7th place. I am the only straight bloke in the whole league. It is Monday nights and has been hilarious to say the least. Our team is called Cell Bloke Wardens, others have names that are not printable, one that comes to mind is "bum love" & then there is the "bandits" the "botty boys" etc. I want to name a couple of teams after a recent archological discovery, where some scientists have uncovered gay dinosaus. The male is called megasorass and the female lickalotapuss. I have put these names into the hat but no one has taken them up.
Mississauga Juju returns from Aoteoroa (bugger):
Juju arrives home from NZ, all is good and she had a great time as some of you are aware. So life back to normal. Well as normal as it can be while being married to me. Mac & I keep our distance for a few days just to make sure tolerance levels are within normal female range. I obviously weakened by pain killers pushed a bit hard on day three and things really got back to normal as I am given a good talking too, I make things worse by saying that I have been naughty and should be spanked.
Apart from that all is well, winter on the way temperatures below 5 and we are getting small snow flurries, so bring on the snow I say.
Next week in Detroit, then Thur/Fri is Thanks Giving. Following week Chicago, Wisconson & Minisotta.
So cheers to all,
Toronto Pip
Friday, October 27, 2006
The Banshee in NZ, Mac at GM and the World Series: October 27 2006
Hi to all in Aoteoroa, the antipodes, the jewel of the pacific or just good old NZ.
It is I "Toronto Pip" who although has been decidedly quiet, has not for one moment forgotten about you. Albeit I do not feel the same love coming from down under, only from down under the covers? After losing Steve Irwin my mentor then following in quick succession my good friend Peter Perfect, [Juju will miss him more, I think she knew him better than we think??] I lost the urge to write. Now as we all know time heals all wounds, and some near death experiences have jolted me back into getting off my over worked and tired ass and sending the weekly journal, my jejune missive, my carry on, my exploits in the form of "THE WEEK THAT WAS".
50 Years Married:
You may or may not be aware I am a bachelor at present, for approx 6 weeks. Mississauga Juju or you may know her as "the banshee" or "she devil" is down in NZ as we speak. Apparently her parents have been married for 50 years [how Moira has done it, god only knows]. I can only cogitate that I have 40 years to go before that mile stone, Jesus in forty years I will be lucky to alive let alone survive being married to "she who must be obeyed", fact is I will have fallen of the twig and probably not be here any way.
But you must take your hat of to Paul & Moira who have reached a milestone that is now becoming more & more obsolete as the generations move by. I for one are looking at becoming a Mormon just to spice things up a bit, a bit of competition never hurt anyone and I can only see it as a win win for all parties involved to be precise, me. I am spending 2 days in Salt Lake City next week to scope things out.
Detroit/World Series/GM:
I went to Detroit the other day another meeting with GM and there design team. It was an opportune time as the Detroit Tigers have made the World Series baseball 7 game final against St Louis. And after having a brief rant about how it is not a world series as it is only between US teams, I was told very politely by John Ford [yes he is a great grandson] that it is called the world series as the original sponsor of this series was the World Newspaper.
After lunch in the GM restaurant they decided to take me to the game, let’s walk one said its only 4 blocks. Needless to say as I had driven and was on my todd I had taken Montreal McGregor with me, he enjoys a good road-trip. He was last seen in the lunch room surrounded by the typing pool girls [how sexist to still have typing pools]. I thought I better check on him and the girls before leaving for the ball park. I opened the door to the lunch room to see Montreal McGregor sitting up at the head of the table with a slice of cheese pizza [a US wedge which is about 10" across] and I truly believe he was genuinely smiling at me.
So across to the ball park and up to The GM corporate box, unfortunately only US draft beer so I joined the ladies in drinking some Californian whites, I get away with it with my accent as the beer drinking yanks hear me talk and say, oh he is one of those foreign guys who drinks cocktails and wine?
On the way back the normal crowd and drama of downtown Detroit, suddenly there was a backfire, quickly I announced that it was probably a Ford, waiting for the laughter at my joke it took a few more paces before I realised it was very quiet and I was on my own. Glancing around I thought what a strange time to play hide and seek. A policeman told me "to get down or be shot". Understandably I complied divimg behind a flower bed, then horror washed over me as I remembered that my bullet proof vest and hand gun were are at security back at GM and this would be my first genuine situation to draw it just like in the movies. Shit I was naked and in the open. The policeman said “not from round here are you".
Some crack grazed idiot was doing a good Don King impersonation and was dealt with in true US fashion,
HE WAS SHOT, and then about 20 policemen jumped on him just to make sure.
Got back to GM to find Montreal McGregor in a corner looking a bit worse for wear, apparently he had managed two slices at which point on showing an interest in a giant Kit-Cat bar proceeded to demolish that as well, this did not fear well for the 4 hour drive home. For those of you in the know it is not wise to give dogs chocolate. After bundling him up collecting my gear from security we drove 500 metres to the tunnel under the St Clair River back to Canada. Half way home Mac decided that he needed to stop, the inevitable power chuck and his own back fire and we were again on our way.
Boston
It’s 6.30am and I was back at the airport to fly to Boston for the day. It was cold and I kid you not threatening to snow we take off and the pilot announces straight up that there will be no in flight service as it looks like it will be bumpy all the way. Who cares its only 1hr 20min flight? Now two/three weeks ago I was in Disneyland/California Land & Universal studios doing theme park rides etc, so I thought I was seasoned, well yea yah what a flight. At one point we were struck by lightening, we nearly did an involuntary roll over and what the hell was that smell. Coming into Boston which is a waterfront airport was like nothing I have experienced for some time, its not very often you are sitting in your window seat looking directly down the wing which is pointing directly down the runway. How he put it down without killing us is beyond me. That smell, oh yes on our near roll over the toilets backwashed and that lovely blue jays fluid was seeping up the aisle.
I am back to Boston on Monday, may take Montreal McGregor with me as it is only for one night and with a short flight he can sit under the seat in front of me. Makes for interesting travel, and at customs it is worth the laugh in itself as he gets shaken down.
Then Wednesday over to Salt Lake City, Utah, will leave him in Toronto as this flight is to long for him and we do not need any toilet issues on the plane.
So on that note so long for now, I will be back soon with more in-depth and exciting adventures of Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor. Mississauga Juju is back on the 6th Nov so you just know there will be some good old stories to tell that week, if you know what I mean.
Bye to all & God Bless America
Toronto Pip
It is I "Toronto Pip" who although has been decidedly quiet, has not for one moment forgotten about you. Albeit I do not feel the same love coming from down under, only from down under the covers? After losing Steve Irwin my mentor then following in quick succession my good friend Peter Perfect, [Juju will miss him more, I think she knew him better than we think??] I lost the urge to write. Now as we all know time heals all wounds, and some near death experiences have jolted me back into getting off my over worked and tired ass and sending the weekly journal, my jejune missive, my carry on, my exploits in the form of "THE WEEK THAT WAS".
50 Years Married:
You may or may not be aware I am a bachelor at present, for approx 6 weeks. Mississauga Juju or you may know her as "the banshee" or "she devil" is down in NZ as we speak. Apparently her parents have been married for 50 years [how Moira has done it, god only knows]. I can only cogitate that I have 40 years to go before that mile stone, Jesus in forty years I will be lucky to alive let alone survive being married to "she who must be obeyed", fact is I will have fallen of the twig and probably not be here any way.
But you must take your hat of to Paul & Moira who have reached a milestone that is now becoming more & more obsolete as the generations move by. I for one are looking at becoming a Mormon just to spice things up a bit, a bit of competition never hurt anyone and I can only see it as a win win for all parties involved to be precise, me. I am spending 2 days in Salt Lake City next week to scope things out.
Detroit/World Series/GM:
I went to Detroit the other day another meeting with GM and there design team. It was an opportune time as the Detroit Tigers have made the World Series baseball 7 game final against St Louis. And after having a brief rant about how it is not a world series as it is only between US teams, I was told very politely by John Ford [yes he is a great grandson] that it is called the world series as the original sponsor of this series was the World Newspaper.
After lunch in the GM restaurant they decided to take me to the game, let’s walk one said its only 4 blocks. Needless to say as I had driven and was on my todd I had taken Montreal McGregor with me, he enjoys a good road-trip. He was last seen in the lunch room surrounded by the typing pool girls [how sexist to still have typing pools]. I thought I better check on him and the girls before leaving for the ball park. I opened the door to the lunch room to see Montreal McGregor sitting up at the head of the table with a slice of cheese pizza [a US wedge which is about 10" across] and I truly believe he was genuinely smiling at me.
So across to the ball park and up to The GM corporate box, unfortunately only US draft beer so I joined the ladies in drinking some Californian whites, I get away with it with my accent as the beer drinking yanks hear me talk and say, oh he is one of those foreign guys who drinks cocktails and wine?
On the way back the normal crowd and drama of downtown Detroit, suddenly there was a backfire, quickly I announced that it was probably a Ford, waiting for the laughter at my joke it took a few more paces before I realised it was very quiet and I was on my own. Glancing around I thought what a strange time to play hide and seek. A policeman told me "to get down or be shot". Understandably I complied divimg behind a flower bed, then horror washed over me as I remembered that my bullet proof vest and hand gun were are at security back at GM and this would be my first genuine situation to draw it just like in the movies. Shit I was naked and in the open. The policeman said “not from round here are you".
Some crack grazed idiot was doing a good Don King impersonation and was dealt with in true US fashion,
HE WAS SHOT, and then about 20 policemen jumped on him just to make sure.
Got back to GM to find Montreal McGregor in a corner looking a bit worse for wear, apparently he had managed two slices at which point on showing an interest in a giant Kit-Cat bar proceeded to demolish that as well, this did not fear well for the 4 hour drive home. For those of you in the know it is not wise to give dogs chocolate. After bundling him up collecting my gear from security we drove 500 metres to the tunnel under the St Clair River back to Canada. Half way home Mac decided that he needed to stop, the inevitable power chuck and his own back fire and we were again on our way.
Boston
It’s 6.30am and I was back at the airport to fly to Boston for the day. It was cold and I kid you not threatening to snow we take off and the pilot announces straight up that there will be no in flight service as it looks like it will be bumpy all the way. Who cares its only 1hr 20min flight? Now two/three weeks ago I was in Disneyland/California Land & Universal studios doing theme park rides etc, so I thought I was seasoned, well yea yah what a flight. At one point we were struck by lightening, we nearly did an involuntary roll over and what the hell was that smell. Coming into Boston which is a waterfront airport was like nothing I have experienced for some time, its not very often you are sitting in your window seat looking directly down the wing which is pointing directly down the runway. How he put it down without killing us is beyond me. That smell, oh yes on our near roll over the toilets backwashed and that lovely blue jays fluid was seeping up the aisle.
I am back to Boston on Monday, may take Montreal McGregor with me as it is only for one night and with a short flight he can sit under the seat in front of me. Makes for interesting travel, and at customs it is worth the laugh in itself as he gets shaken down.
Then Wednesday over to Salt Lake City, Utah, will leave him in Toronto as this flight is to long for him and we do not need any toilet issues on the plane.
So on that note so long for now, I will be back soon with more in-depth and exciting adventures of Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor. Mississauga Juju is back on the 6th Nov so you just know there will be some good old stories to tell that week, if you know what I mean.
Bye to all & God Bless America
Toronto Pip
Thursday, October 12, 2006
While the Cats away: October 12 206
Kia Ora to all in Aoteroa,
Yes I am alive & well. However my schedule has been harsh. Just a snippet to tie you over for this weekends journal I am in the process of writing.
Monday, fly from Los Angeles to Boston, Boston to Buffalo then Buffalo to Toronto, total 12 hours including time change, so actually 15? Monday was Thanksgiving in Canada not America before you all start emailing me that is in November. Why on a Monday, well why not. I had actually been in LA with my brother & his wife & kids. Disneyland, California Land, Universal Studios etc.
Tuesday, Toronto office, catch up on back log.
Wednesday, fly to Chicago to attend court where we are being sued apparently something I said, go figure, me and something I said, no? To cut a long story short a flooring contractor got it wrong and blamed everybody but himself. The general contractor and our company won. At which point I pressed for court cost's as well as other related costs of travel, time, mental anguish, physical disfigurement [seat in plane not big enough], and a first class ticket to any European destination to find my inner peace that was shattered because of the malicious and painful attack on my person. Just as a joke, however the judge ruled in my favour so I will have a "week that was" coming from you live from Paris in two weekends time, [God Bless America]. Sorry Juju won't be here to enjoy that, now who should I take eh? I feel a trip to the Brass Rail coming on????
Thursday, in Toronto office catching up again.
Friday, fly to Detroit to try and sort out yet another installation problem and try to diffuse before it gets to court stage.
So you lot, I will finally have the "week that was" or as it has been so long "the month that may have been" out to you for a Monday reading, it promises to be filled with intrigue, excitement, and all sorts of useless other stuff.
Cheers for now,
Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor
Absent [Mississagua Juju, currently Auckalofa Ju] Dearly missed, like my connection in Boston.
Yes I am alive & well. However my schedule has been harsh. Just a snippet to tie you over for this weekends journal I am in the process of writing.
Monday, fly from Los Angeles to Boston, Boston to Buffalo then Buffalo to Toronto, total 12 hours including time change, so actually 15? Monday was Thanksgiving in Canada not America before you all start emailing me that is in November. Why on a Monday, well why not. I had actually been in LA with my brother & his wife & kids. Disneyland, California Land, Universal Studios etc.
Tuesday, Toronto office, catch up on back log.
Wednesday, fly to Chicago to attend court where we are being sued apparently something I said, go figure, me and something I said, no? To cut a long story short a flooring contractor got it wrong and blamed everybody but himself. The general contractor and our company won. At which point I pressed for court cost's as well as other related costs of travel, time, mental anguish, physical disfigurement [seat in plane not big enough], and a first class ticket to any European destination to find my inner peace that was shattered because of the malicious and painful attack on my person. Just as a joke, however the judge ruled in my favour so I will have a "week that was" coming from you live from Paris in two weekends time, [God Bless America]. Sorry Juju won't be here to enjoy that, now who should I take eh? I feel a trip to the Brass Rail coming on????
Thursday, in Toronto office catching up again.
Friday, fly to Detroit to try and sort out yet another installation problem and try to diffuse before it gets to court stage.
So you lot, I will finally have the "week that was" or as it has been so long "the month that may have been" out to you for a Monday reading, it promises to be filled with intrigue, excitement, and all sorts of useless other stuff.
Cheers for now,
Toronto Pip & Montreal McGregor
Absent [Mississagua Juju, currently Auckalofa Ju] Dearly missed, like my connection in Boston.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Girls on tour in Manhattan
Lady Liberty welcomed Vicky and I to NYC the first week of September. Vicky flew in from Mexico and my 1 hour flight from Toronto turned out to be a five hour schemozzle when my delayed flight was held up on the tarmac for three hours! By the time I landed at JFK I'd missed the art opening in Chelsea I'd hoped to attend and cabbed straight to the Hudson Hotel. I then took a town car out to Newark to pick up Vicky and do a scenic tour of the city at night on our way back to the Hudson.
The Hudson Hotel, designed by Phillipe Starck has a rock-n-roll vibe that hits with decibel loaded music as you enter the fluro foyer, ride the luminated escalator to the vine hung lobby. Music rocks from dawn to dawn, the patio was in full swing and we launched off with cosmo's. We especially loved the cow-girls in the Library, the log chair in the Hudson Bar and Moroccan inspired Private Park bar.
We hit the streets next day with a chauffeur in a luxurious full size classic Chevrolet Caprice Convertible, touring from Greenwich Village to Brooklyn Heights. Totally the way to see Manhattan, the open top brought us right into the street, interacting with cops, cabbies, tourists and pedestrians in a way you just wouldn't any other way. Highlights were the Brooklyn Bridge, Irish Garden, Wall street, Washington Square.
Cybele by Michael Chimiakan Prince St Soho, Washington Square Monument and Vesuvio Bakery Prince street is now closed
Irish Hunger Garden
Wall Street and NYC Stock Exchange, Downtown.
Crossing over to Brooklyn, view back to Manhattan.
Cast Iron district, Greene St Soho.
I love store windows, Fashion week begins next week so the city is dressed up for this uber celeb event. From tyres at Ralf Lauren on Bleeker Street to rycyled paper art at Anthropology at the Rockefeller Center to Hay at Givenchy on Madison Ave and stretched fabric at Gaultier on 5th Ave they all inspire. We loved the big Botero scupltures at the Time Warner Building, Adams wee winkie is rubbed shiny by passers by! Barneys grey and gold graphic painted display cases and lamps on Madison and dress dummy logo at Barney's Co-op in Soho are both stunning and must see's! I always have a gander at Mark Jacobs in Barneys, I loved this velvet number.
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| Ralf Lauren Bleeker St |
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| YSL and Rink Bar |
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| Anthropologie |
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| Time Warner Centre |
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| Gaultier 5th Ave |
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| Barneys Co-op Soho |
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| Barneys Madison Ave |
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Toronto Pip and the Coast Guard get up close and friendly! : August 31
Tena Koutou NZ Whanua,
Welcome to another episode of “the week that was”, a masterpiece of literary genius, which will keep you enthralled, on the edge of your seat & unable to understand. And all this to do with the goings on of Toronto Pip. This week there is not much action from my musty side-kick Mississauga Juju and the ever present Montreal McGregor?
This week we have fun and adventure on the high seas of Lake Huron [or should that be high lakes?] with the Canadian Coast Guard [be all you can be], we visit rural Michigan [yeee hawww & dosie doh], visit Michigan State University in Ann Arbor [opens your eyes a bit] then down to Detroit [don the bullet proof vest and strap on the side arm] for some relaxation & a bite of lunch with Mafioso?
So it starts like this, I drive to Sarnia which is the border between US & Canada, US Port Huron, Canada Port Sarnia. In places you could probably drive a golf ball across [if you where me, John Daley or Tiger that is]? I get whistled on board the CCGS [Canadian Coast Guard Ship for you slow ones] Samuel Risley and that was just by the female crew members and to my horror one of the men [lenient for that stuff up here]. Chief Officer Signe Gotfredsen asks me how long do you have, I reply how long does it take. Want a ride, ok. Next thing you know we are casting off to do a wee sea trial to see if the up grades work. [And here was me thinking we were talking about something completely different].
The 220’ cutter pulls out at a leisurely 10 kits into Lake Huron. Next thing sirens start and all hands are called, I think we are under attack [from the Middle East faction Sadam SeaBass BoatBomber Hussein] then I think well if we go down at least I am in good hands. We’ll it was a speed run, so its ark up the 3 x 12,000 hp diesels I’m thinking it will take a while for her to wind up, but before I can grab a rail I am sat on my butt. By the time I pull myself to my feet and look out the window we are already hitting 30 kts and climbing, we peg out at 45 kts [that’s 85kmh] which doesn’t sound much but when you realise you are on a 220’ vessel it is rather impressive. I ask if I can go aft to see what is happening out the back. So there I am looking over the back and we are putting up an impressive rooster tail of about 50’ to 100’ height x 150’ to 200’ out the back and a wake of about 20’ to 30’. The noise is deafening. Bloody hell there’s the
siren again, the young women next to me has eyes as bid as saucers and I can’t hear a word she is saying, so I go by the fear in her eyes and the fact that her knuckles are white with the death grip she has on the railing as an indication that I should quickly follow suit. Christ the next thing we are doing speed turns and the vessel hasn’t slowed any. The boat is doing things that are not possible we turn hard to starboard then hard to port, she is groaning as we are horizontal then vertical, horizontal then vertical [the boat that is], then there is that bloody siren again, a quick glance to my left and the young women's eyes have got bigger and her grip is so tight she has made himself cry, I personally need a change of undies, THEN we’ll f??k me if they don’t bash this thing in reverse without slowing down. We literally go from 45 kts to stop in about 10 seconds, the bird and I are soaked which is a good thing as I believe we probably had both pee’ed in our
pants.
After that I needed some slow time so it is off to rural Michigan to visit a manufacturer of sports equipment for universities who want's to run with our products. We'll there I am in the middle of nowhere and there is a hotel just sitting in a field with a restaurant [a Bob Evans to be precise] next to it. Home style cooking the ad said. This is where you realise that little old NZ is so far ahead in worldly matters and that, yes we actually should be afraid of the fact that the US see's itself as a world power. So I go in, and ask question and generally make small talk as I am on my own! The black girl goes all gooey over my accent and everyone makes a fuss while all I want to do is have something to eat AND OH SHIT IT IS A FAMILY RESTURANT AND THEY DON'T SERVE ALCOHOL. It just gets better. I sit down and glance around the room AND OH BUGGER YES WE ARE IN RURAL AMERICA AND YOU CAN SMOKE ANYWHERE, it gets better! So there is this guy who resembles "yabber the hut" [star
wars movie] to which I am shocked, yet fascinated, I stare I just cannot take my eyes of him as I have never seen a human drink 15 soft drinks while never taking the cigarette out of his mouth and all while devouring what looked like to be 3 whole chickens. Then I realised he had Mrs Yabber and all the little Yabber's with him who all resembled something from a bad b-grade horror movie "the blob" or in this case blobs?! I finish my chicken pot pie, then glance their way and run to the bathroom to start my new vice "bulimia". So all I want to do is escape but the staff thinks I am something special, so I have to talk and explain where I am from? Why I am here? So I want to pay my bill, when out of the blue the black girl ask's me "what language do you speak in NZ"? Open mouthed I stood, excuse me I thought I was speaking English, but obviously I slipped back to my native tongue Swahili. "How are you going to pay" she ask's, American Express, "you have American Express in
NZ", YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING "yes and we also have phones & cars & TV & Coke & GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE??????????????.
Then down to Ann Arbor to visit a new install at Michigan State Uni football centre. OH MY GOD, apart from being allowed to watch the cheer leaders practice [could you just do that throw in the air split rutine one more time I think you were not extended enough on that last set]. Even the cheer leaders have there own gym, offices and operates just like the football team, it is has to be seen to believed! The campus is about the size of a small town and the buildings for every sport are top notch filled with top gear etc. Just goes to show when you have a large population anything is affordable.
Down to Detroit, stop at city limits to don the bullet proof vest, and make sure the side arm is loaded with one up the spout. Another meeting at Motor City Casino, then down to Ford to see if they are still in business, yep there is a pulse. Then my rep and I have to meet a GM guy at "Carl's Chop House" a Detroit institution? I know what you are thinking, Carl's Cop House, could it be a chop shop for stolen cars, no? Is it a house of ill repute, no? Is it a house of evangelistic goings on, no? Is it a house at all, NO? It is a Mafioso owned restaurant that has not changed since the 50's, a guy play's the piano, waiters in black tux's, no windows, it has a charm about it, it is shifty to say the least, the food is superb, and if you complain the waiter is found "swimming with the fish, capesh"? The GM guy asks if we want to go to the "ball game" I reluctantly say yes and the next thing I know we are heading to the game in a limo, we get waved through the gates at the
stadium and right under the ground. Hop out and walk 5m into the elevator that took us up to the GM corporate box. It was like no other corp box I have ever seen, it was the size of a quarter of a rugby field and more exciting than that it was boy's afternoon (no girls or wife’s etc), so the girls who were serving us were appropriately attired, can't remember much about the game, not through drunkenness, but by the fact that there were far more interesting things going on around me. Oh look, there is Tammy & Sammy the twins, and Brittany I don't think you should bend back like that, something might go pop and yes please feel free to do the splits while handing me a beer of the tray. Quite frankly it is all good.
I watched with interest and was sad to not be a part of Auckland’s "Boob's on Bikes" it looked like a great spectacle, the usual winging sandal wearing tree huggers were out in force also I see. I bet that "Cereal Rapist" mayor was also thinking of ways having it stopped. Just like the street race, the stadium, the list goes on. I now live in a city of 6 million people where we have road closures, street parties, street races that go on for days some even weeks with absolutely little drama? They even close down the major motorway here twice a year, one for a bike race, the second for a marathon. So I say up the establishment and I look forward to all your support when I return to Auckland and run for mayor.
So long for now, thinking of you all, much love,
Toronto Pip
Welcome to another episode of “the week that was”, a masterpiece of literary genius, which will keep you enthralled, on the edge of your seat & unable to understand. And all this to do with the goings on of Toronto Pip. This week there is not much action from my musty side-kick Mississauga Juju and the ever present Montreal McGregor?
This week we have fun and adventure on the high seas of Lake Huron [or should that be high lakes?] with the Canadian Coast Guard [be all you can be], we visit rural Michigan [yeee hawww & dosie doh], visit Michigan State University in Ann Arbor [opens your eyes a bit] then down to Detroit [don the bullet proof vest and strap on the side arm] for some relaxation & a bite of lunch with Mafioso?
So it starts like this, I drive to Sarnia which is the border between US & Canada, US Port Huron, Canada Port Sarnia. In places you could probably drive a golf ball across [if you where me, John Daley or Tiger that is]? I get whistled on board the CCGS [Canadian Coast Guard Ship for you slow ones] Samuel Risley and that was just by the female crew members and to my horror one of the men [lenient for that stuff up here]. Chief Officer Signe Gotfredsen asks me how long do you have, I reply how long does it take. Want a ride, ok. Next thing you know we are casting off to do a wee sea trial to see if the up grades work. [And here was me thinking we were talking about something completely different].
The 220’ cutter pulls out at a leisurely 10 kits into Lake Huron. Next thing sirens start and all hands are called, I think we are under attack [from the Middle East faction Sadam SeaBass BoatBomber Hussein] then I think well if we go down at least I am in good hands. We’ll it was a speed run, so its ark up the 3 x 12,000 hp diesels I’m thinking it will take a while for her to wind up, but before I can grab a rail I am sat on my butt. By the time I pull myself to my feet and look out the window we are already hitting 30 kts and climbing, we peg out at 45 kts [that’s 85kmh] which doesn’t sound much but when you realise you are on a 220’ vessel it is rather impressive. I ask if I can go aft to see what is happening out the back. So there I am looking over the back and we are putting up an impressive rooster tail of about 50’ to 100’ height x 150’ to 200’ out the back and a wake of about 20’ to 30’. The noise is deafening. Bloody hell there’s the
siren again, the young women next to me has eyes as bid as saucers and I can’t hear a word she is saying, so I go by the fear in her eyes and the fact that her knuckles are white with the death grip she has on the railing as an indication that I should quickly follow suit. Christ the next thing we are doing speed turns and the vessel hasn’t slowed any. The boat is doing things that are not possible we turn hard to starboard then hard to port, she is groaning as we are horizontal then vertical, horizontal then vertical [the boat that is], then there is that bloody siren again, a quick glance to my left and the young women's eyes have got bigger and her grip is so tight she has made himself cry, I personally need a change of undies, THEN we’ll f??k me if they don’t bash this thing in reverse without slowing down. We literally go from 45 kts to stop in about 10 seconds, the bird and I are soaked which is a good thing as I believe we probably had both pee’ed in our
pants.
After that I needed some slow time so it is off to rural Michigan to visit a manufacturer of sports equipment for universities who want's to run with our products. We'll there I am in the middle of nowhere and there is a hotel just sitting in a field with a restaurant [a Bob Evans to be precise] next to it. Home style cooking the ad said. This is where you realise that little old NZ is so far ahead in worldly matters and that, yes we actually should be afraid of the fact that the US see's itself as a world power. So I go in, and ask question and generally make small talk as I am on my own! The black girl goes all gooey over my accent and everyone makes a fuss while all I want to do is have something to eat AND OH SHIT IT IS A FAMILY RESTURANT AND THEY DON'T SERVE ALCOHOL. It just gets better. I sit down and glance around the room AND OH BUGGER YES WE ARE IN RURAL AMERICA AND YOU CAN SMOKE ANYWHERE, it gets better! So there is this guy who resembles "yabber the hut" [star
wars movie] to which I am shocked, yet fascinated, I stare I just cannot take my eyes of him as I have never seen a human drink 15 soft drinks while never taking the cigarette out of his mouth and all while devouring what looked like to be 3 whole chickens. Then I realised he had Mrs Yabber and all the little Yabber's with him who all resembled something from a bad b-grade horror movie "the blob" or in this case blobs?! I finish my chicken pot pie, then glance their way and run to the bathroom to start my new vice "bulimia". So all I want to do is escape but the staff thinks I am something special, so I have to talk and explain where I am from? Why I am here? So I want to pay my bill, when out of the blue the black girl ask's me "what language do you speak in NZ"? Open mouthed I stood, excuse me I thought I was speaking English, but obviously I slipped back to my native tongue Swahili. "How are you going to pay" she ask's, American Express, "you have American Express in
NZ", YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING "yes and we also have phones & cars & TV & Coke & GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE??????????????.
Then down to Ann Arbor to visit a new install at Michigan State Uni football centre. OH MY GOD, apart from being allowed to watch the cheer leaders practice [could you just do that throw in the air split rutine one more time I think you were not extended enough on that last set]. Even the cheer leaders have there own gym, offices and operates just like the football team, it is has to be seen to believed! The campus is about the size of a small town and the buildings for every sport are top notch filled with top gear etc. Just goes to show when you have a large population anything is affordable.
Down to Detroit, stop at city limits to don the bullet proof vest, and make sure the side arm is loaded with one up the spout. Another meeting at Motor City Casino, then down to Ford to see if they are still in business, yep there is a pulse. Then my rep and I have to meet a GM guy at "Carl's Chop House" a Detroit institution? I know what you are thinking, Carl's Cop House, could it be a chop shop for stolen cars, no? Is it a house of ill repute, no? Is it a house of evangelistic goings on, no? Is it a house at all, NO? It is a Mafioso owned restaurant that has not changed since the 50's, a guy play's the piano, waiters in black tux's, no windows, it has a charm about it, it is shifty to say the least, the food is superb, and if you complain the waiter is found "swimming with the fish, capesh"? The GM guy asks if we want to go to the "ball game" I reluctantly say yes and the next thing I know we are heading to the game in a limo, we get waved through the gates at the
stadium and right under the ground. Hop out and walk 5m into the elevator that took us up to the GM corporate box. It was like no other corp box I have ever seen, it was the size of a quarter of a rugby field and more exciting than that it was boy's afternoon (no girls or wife’s etc), so the girls who were serving us were appropriately attired, can't remember much about the game, not through drunkenness, but by the fact that there were far more interesting things going on around me. Oh look, there is Tammy & Sammy the twins, and Brittany I don't think you should bend back like that, something might go pop and yes please feel free to do the splits while handing me a beer of the tray. Quite frankly it is all good.
I watched with interest and was sad to not be a part of Auckland’s "Boob's on Bikes" it looked like a great spectacle, the usual winging sandal wearing tree huggers were out in force also I see. I bet that "Cereal Rapist" mayor was also thinking of ways having it stopped. Just like the street race, the stadium, the list goes on. I now live in a city of 6 million people where we have road closures, street parties, street races that go on for days some even weeks with absolutely little drama? They even close down the major motorway here twice a year, one for a bike race, the second for a marathon. So I say up the establishment and I look forward to all your support when I return to Auckland and run for mayor.
So long for now, thinking of you all, much love,
Toronto Pip
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Dead Lambs, Fetish Week and the Coast Guard: August 30 2006
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi All,
We'll its not often I need to retract much [except for the land gear on all the aircraft I fly on], however through extreme pressure I will give it a go.
Firstly it has been pointed out to me that petrol prices have come down in NZ. WOW a whole 5cents, [thanks Chairman Helen that will really help], we have had another drop here and it is back down in the 85c/per L range that is a 30c drop.
Secondly my intro into the last “week that was” was seen as disrespectful under the circumstances, which I have to agree may have been seen as bad taste! However at the time of writing I was unaware of any ill health or the inevitable. My intro was actually directed at the All Blacks who have made the news over here for its barbaric and unsportsmanlike like dance [as they call it up here] that they perform [emphasis on perform] before a big match? Any way if any one was offended by this tell someone who gives a ????, all complaints to juwood@gmail.com and she will punish me as I feel fit.
I have been banned from a Toronto art gallery, that now takes it up to 4 world wide [2 in Auckland, 1 in New York and now Toronto], I really have no idea why Julie persists in taking me, she knows it only means trouble as I cannot resist in telling everyone exactly what it is they are looking at, and no I don't give a flying f??k as to what the artist is trying to say and the fact that they were beaten or touched as a child does not make a black canvas a piece of art.
At the gallery in question the "artist" who was holding a dead lamb said the work "left her with an undercurrent of lambyness, unexpected fantasies of mergence and inter-species metamorphoses began to flicker into her consciousness"?? WHAT ARE THESE SO CALLED ARTIST ON, now I'm up for most things but I don't want a bar of she was smoking. Any how I announced quite loudly that Kira [the artist], who seems to depend on the shock of using a murdered lamb as a prop, “perhaps lacked the talent to make it as a proper artist, should get a real day job to pay her bills and not push upon us the crap she calls art.
The curator then asked me to leave, I did with pleasure, but not before peeing in the corner and telling him I have an undercurrent of beeriness with the unexpected feelings of mergence of running rivers of beer which flickered into my consciousness, oh by the way that is art my friend, [just jokes, don't start unless you want to complain] then you can complain to juwood@gmail.com and she will spank me accordingly, I have been a naughty boy.
It was fetish weekend in our neighbourhood, the sights and sounds were wonderful, again streets were closed off and the stalls came out selling all things to do with fetishes, there were some things that even needed to be explained to me and not just gay but for all.So you put your leg through there and pull on that and your thingy does that, oh yes now I can see, thanks for explaining that to me, does it come in beige? While having a look around I came a cross a guy lying face down on a padded pommel horse thing with a sign saying spank me, we’ll that was an offer I could not refuse, I don’t think he was expecting such a whack as he leaped up into the air and started rubbing his bum, everyone just laughed and I moved on. It was actually a good show and I managed to get all my Xmas shopping done for family back at home eh?
I am of to Lake Huron tomorrow to meet with the Canadian Coast Guard, which is bigger and has more vessels than our and Australia’s Navy, I am having a 3 hr trip on a 200’ cutter which has 50mm guns and rocket launchers and cannons and all sorts of things I know I shouldn't touch but probably will, you can just imagine it now, “what’s that button”, “what does this do”, “should I not have pushed that, oh look at the pretty white stream of steam behind that rocket, its aimed where” oh well “ they will just think it was some Hezbollah rocket and we won’t get into any trouble.
Then the rest of the week in Detroit so keep an eye out for the next “week that was”.
Cheers to all,
Toronto Pip
Hi All,
We'll its not often I need to retract much [except for the land gear on all the aircraft I fly on], however through extreme pressure I will give it a go.
Firstly it has been pointed out to me that petrol prices have come down in NZ. WOW a whole 5cents, [thanks Chairman Helen that will really help], we have had another drop here and it is back down in the 85c/per L range that is a 30c drop.
Secondly my intro into the last “week that was” was seen as disrespectful under the circumstances, which I have to agree may have been seen as bad taste! However at the time of writing I was unaware of any ill health or the inevitable. My intro was actually directed at the All Blacks who have made the news over here for its barbaric and unsportsmanlike like dance [as they call it up here] that they perform [emphasis on perform] before a big match? Any way if any one was offended by this tell someone who gives a ????, all complaints to juwood@gmail.com and she will punish me as I feel fit.
I have been banned from a Toronto art gallery, that now takes it up to 4 world wide [2 in Auckland, 1 in New York and now Toronto], I really have no idea why Julie persists in taking me, she knows it only means trouble as I cannot resist in telling everyone exactly what it is they are looking at, and no I don't give a flying f??k as to what the artist is trying to say and the fact that they were beaten or touched as a child does not make a black canvas a piece of art.
At the gallery in question the "artist" who was holding a dead lamb said the work "left her with an undercurrent of lambyness, unexpected fantasies of mergence and inter-species metamorphoses began to flicker into her consciousness"?? WHAT ARE THESE SO CALLED ARTIST ON, now I'm up for most things but I don't want a bar of she was smoking. Any how I announced quite loudly that Kira [the artist], who seems to depend on the shock of using a murdered lamb as a prop, “perhaps lacked the talent to make it as a proper artist, should get a real day job to pay her bills and not push upon us the crap she calls art.
The curator then asked me to leave, I did with pleasure, but not before peeing in the corner and telling him I have an undercurrent of beeriness with the unexpected feelings of mergence of running rivers of beer which flickered into my consciousness, oh by the way that is art my friend, [just jokes, don't start unless you want to complain] then you can complain to juwood@gmail.com and she will spank me accordingly, I have been a naughty boy.
It was fetish weekend in our neighbourhood, the sights and sounds were wonderful, again streets were closed off and the stalls came out selling all things to do with fetishes, there were some things that even needed to be explained to me and not just gay but for all.So you put your leg through there and pull on that and your thingy does that, oh yes now I can see, thanks for explaining that to me, does it come in beige? While having a look around I came a cross a guy lying face down on a padded pommel horse thing with a sign saying spank me, we’ll that was an offer I could not refuse, I don’t think he was expecting such a whack as he leaped up into the air and started rubbing his bum, everyone just laughed and I moved on. It was actually a good show and I managed to get all my Xmas shopping done for family back at home eh?
I am of to Lake Huron tomorrow to meet with the Canadian Coast Guard, which is bigger and has more vessels than our and Australia’s Navy, I am having a 3 hr trip on a 200’ cutter which has 50mm guns and rocket launchers and cannons and all sorts of things I know I shouldn't touch but probably will, you can just imagine it now, “what’s that button”, “what does this do”, “should I not have pushed that, oh look at the pretty white stream of steam behind that rocket, its aimed where” oh well “ they will just think it was some Hezbollah rocket and we won’t get into any trouble.
Then the rest of the week in Detroit so keep an eye out for the next “week that was”.
Cheers to all,
Toronto Pip
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